Sober Dating at Single & Sober Find Sober Singles in ...
AA Dating Service Dating for Alcoholics Anonymous
Sober Dating Site 12StepMatch - Find Sober Singles in Recovery
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Alcoholics Anonymous : A.A. Guidelines
Guide to Sober Dating - American Addiction Centers
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12StepMatch is the ORIGINAL Recovery Dating Web Site for Sober Men and Women Online to come for Sober Dates, Love or Friends and Support and to search within your own 12 Step Program of Recovery. Whether it be AA Singles, NA Singles, Al-Anon Singles, GA, OA…Whatever your 12 Step Program of Recovery, we have THOUSANDS OF CLEAN AND SOBER SINGLES and Recovering Friends in ALL 12 Step Programs ... Exception to the Rule: When AA and Romance Do Mix Written by Claire Buhay last updated 15 December 2019 I’ll admit it: When I was counting days in AA, the sexy people in my “home group” kept me coming back to meetings.It’s a large, social meeting. Most members are around my age and cool. Dating in Recovery. Many treatment programs discourage their members (either actively or otherwise) from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships in the aftermath of their recovery. The Fix tells the story of a eight-year-sober 33-year old man who, on the advice of his AA sponsor, “religiously avoided dating” for six months. This is the official Website of the General Service Office (G.S.O.) of Alcoholics Anonymous. Videos or graphic images may not be downloaded, copied or duplicated without the express written permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. We believe dating in recovery is possible and sober dating is our specialty. Your sobriety is what matters most to us! If you are not ready for dating then please wait until you are. If you are ready to mingle then sign up now and check us out! Creating a profile on our dating site is easy and browsing others in your area is 100% free. Dating In AA: The Pros and Cons of Dating Someone From Your Home Group Categories: Life in Recovery, Love and Relationships If you are in recovery, you’re not really advised to go to bars and clubs so AA becomes the obvious way to meet new people because you spend a large chunk of your time in these meetings. Many people in recovery who have experienced dating in AA will mostly advised you ... The “one-year rule” for waiting on romance/sex has been long used by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and other self-help groups as a way to safeguard the individual’s recovery. That’s because your primary objective right now should be caring for yourself, and a new relationship can distract you from those efforts. For example, Jenna* started dating a guy in AA but after a few months, he started getting distant: “Things were going really well then he started to pull away. I questioned him on this and he ultimately came clean with the fact that he is currently in AA and working on his 12 steps and has been discouraged by his sponsor to date.” This is the official Website of the General Service Office (G.S.O.) of Alcoholics Anonymous. Videos or graphic images may not be downloaded, copied or duplicated without the express written permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. AA Dating Service knows how important sobriety is to the men and women who are a part of this site. There are no judgments here, just people who want to connect with you. It doesn't matter if you're looking for a romance or a friendship, there are all types of people here looking for the same thing.
Ottawa: Local news and discussion
2008.12.10 04:28 Ottawa: Local news and discussion
News, events, discussions, and what not from Ottawa, Ontario.
2020.09.19 09:06 SavitribaiiI am so proud of how my friends and I are healing from trauma.
I had a traumatic childhood with physical and sexual abuse in the first 13 years of my life and after that it was just verbal and emotional abuse, enabling my schizophrenia and telling me that the voices were real. There were a few incidents of physical abuse but it wasn’t chronic like in my childhood. My mom is sadistic and insidious and my father was physically violent due to his anger issues and did not protect me from my mother, but he is a good parent otherwise. My elementary school best friend was also from a dysfunctional family since people from those backgrounds tend to befriend each other. Her parents were 14 and 24 when they got married. And her mom was a teen mom. They are still together and there was no abuse, but obviously with that age gap and power dynamics it’s not a healthy relationship. My friend and her siblings were physically abused as kids but it was in an “anger issues” not “sadistic cruelty” way. She also had to share her house with relatives who moved there temporarily due to conflict in their home country. Our other friend from middle school was sexually assaulted as a child and also had an abusive father who her mother separated from when she was 3, and another friend had chronic schizophrenia. We are now entering our twenties and healing so well. I read book after book on recovery from abuse and on schizophrenia and BPD (never got a formal diagnosis as I had to drop out of therapy though) and I graduated with my AA degrees in Teaching and Economics and am getting a bachelors in accounting. I have my rent and food paid for by my family for this semester (before I paid my own grocery bills) but am working as an office clerk with my family business and as a tutor to pay for tuition and personal expenses. I get along well with my family and I plan to set firm boundaries once I move out in a few months. I love my mother, but I don’t trust her. I am filled with anger but not hatred. My elementary school friend’s mother took classes in parenting and healthy relationships and she broke the cycle by telling her children not to get into relationships early. Her eldest daughter was married at 22 to a 26 year old man and the others are unmarried, though I think my friend is seeing someone. They own a bakery and do charity work with refugees. The middle school friends are bittersweet cases. The first one is engaged and has a makeup artist business and the second one is unable to work due to her schizophrenia but has started dating and is becoming more confident about herself and exploring healthy relationships.
2020.09.19 07:15 WhatSayYouBluesDoes this sound like the actions of a pwBPD or another personality issue or ??!
Does this sound like the actions of a pwBPD or another personality issue or ??! Dated and married a woman over 2+ years , who had been diagnosed with something and was taking no meds or up to 2 mood stabilizers during this time. She will diagnose and insists others get meds when a big enough disagreement unfolds. During my time with her, she isn’t really clear on what she was diagnosed with and the meds she takes and the amount always varies. Currently only taking Zoloft. Xmas break 2018 - she is with family on vacation and I am not there. For a week she is moody and distant and not really involved with her family or kids. She flies to see me for New Years week with a letter from her sister. My GF is distraught and cannot believe the letter. In short, her sis says my GF needs to see a professional and address what she is dealing with. GFs behavior during the trip wasn’t acceptable. The friends she keeps and the relationships are toxic and surrounds herself with people that will take her side and not hold her accountable. I’m hearing this and not totally surprised and can’t disagree with it. Don’t let my Girl know all that. Anyways she eventually goes home and gets help and meds. She should be taking 2. Eventually she claims she got her sister to admit it was her controlling ways that made my GF take the meds and so she stopped taking 1. Now that sounds ridiculous to me. A dr should decide the fate of taking meds. I also believe if the sis did say that, likely because she was tired of my GF giving her the business about it. Agree, disagree? As for me... I’ve had ADHD since I was in 2nd grade. I’ve seen therapist throughout my life. Was told I could have some depression when I was a jr in high school. Came as a surprise to me. Other than that no other diagnosis or meds outside of ADHD needs. I currently have a therapist I we regularly. So Feb 2019 , GF and I have a spat and she is taking issues with my mood when I am checking out and not feeling the situation. Sometimes that can be solely my fault. Many times it’s because of how I feel I am being treated. But these don’t last long and I just withdraw or half ass effort. Not mean or aggressive. GF insist something major is wrong with me and I must get on meds and see a therapist. I don’t argue and find a therapist. I’m given ADHD meds and start seeing this Dr twice a month. He seems to think I’m a pretty good dude. GF during the next year and a half will occasionally go back to insisting I do this or that. Honestly she is just disrespectful and hates not having her way. So Nov 2019 GF and I go to my therapist. He sees through her beauty and has a good idea of what she is about. He talks to us about how to communicate better when we have disagreements. When it’s time to cleave she bolts and tells me she doesn’t care for him. My next visit alone, therapist gives me his 2 cents and he really seems to know her. GF and I marry in Jan. From Jan to now it is a rollercoaster. I’m now hearing I need another therapist and I need to find one that will get me a mood stabilizer. At this tune the fights aren’t about what she did but how dare I ask her mother to have her daughter call her husband. My wife would do something questionable and would block calls and not call me for days. I Would tell my wife if she didn’t call in a day or 2 that I’d contact her mom so then maybe she would call me and we can get passed the fighting. Now her mom and sis would call me for help and to get a hold of my wife when she did something to them. So I don’t see harm. Anyways, I went to a marriage counselor and talked to those close to me. Really pressed my therapist for a diagnosis and mood stabilizers. No one thought I was crazy or needed meds. Side note: as she pitches that I need the most aggressive form of mental treatment available, she goes behind my back to talk to my parents, sister, and an ex to ask about my mental health and what not. She asks my sis and ex not to tell me about this. They both call and let me know. Ex thinks wife might be crazy. No one thought I was violent or crazy. I could get moody but to just let me talk it out or give me some time to get over myself. My sis asked her why she was asking. Wife said I got made because she went to see some friends. But my sister knew what event she was talking about and that she was lying to her face. She went at midnight, after drinking, to a friends new house party. They had coke and x there. My wife never checked if it was ok and took an overnight bag without asking. So my issue was not checking with the spouse and don’t need to stay over night when x and coke is around. Wife finally gave up pushing more meds and drs down my throat when it was obviously not needed and I was pushing for us to see her therapist. She will not sit down with her therapist or any counselor with me. What does that tell you? She has finally admitted to being an alcoholic and going to AA. I applaud her for that. She has admitted to being BPD. However I do not believe she has seen a therapist much at all this year. Sorry for the novel, but in your opinion, what’s going on here? How can I help her?
For this ranking i will take into consideration the choreo, the outfits, the video and the song it self, remember that this is my opinion not a fact, feel free to comment your own ranking belo. 9.Stay (6): This song is really good, the vocals from all of the girls are great, the video is beautiful but i dont really like the raps, overall this is a great song, the only reason is last is because i am taking choreos into consideration and this one doesnt have one, if it wasnt for this it would be a little bit higher. 8:Ice Cream (6.5): The video and the outfits were perfect, the girls look fantastic, the choreo is ok but i dont like the song, i wouldnt go out of my way to listen to it, Jisoo´s part is the best and i hate both Lisa´s rap and when Jennie says " Get it, flip it, scoop it Do it like that, ah yeah ah yeah Like it, love it, lick it Do it like la-la-la, oh yeah " are the worst part of the song, the only reason this song is not last is because of the choreo. 7:Boombayah (7): This song is both cute and badass, their styling was great except for some Lisa/Rose outfits, this is my least favorite video from them, it looks cheap in comparison with their other videos even tho it was probably not cheap at all, Lisa´s rap is really good, and the best part of he choreo is the chorus. Also handheld mics remain superior 6:Dx4 (7.5): Jennie´s rap is her best one to date, the tank alone makes the video get a 10, the song itself is good, i dont really like the choreo, its boring and simple witch is why it kind off went viral because anyone could recreat it, their overall styling was good with some exceptions, the pink and the white outfits were the best ones. 5:Whistle (7.8):I love the styling and the video, the video is cute and the styling is more "badass" so they complement each other really good, Jennie´s rap and the pre chorus are the best part of the song, the choreo is also really fun and engaging, 4:Playing with Fire (8); I dont really like the beggining of Lisa´s verse were she is doing a mix of rap and singing, Rose´s "on and on and on" and Jennie´s rap are the best part of the song and the choreo, the styling was ok even tho they really had Lisa looking like a blue bird. 3:How you like that (8.5): The video is beautiful, Lisa´s rap is my favorite part, the choreo in the second chorus is the best part of the choreo, i loved this song the first time i listend to it and everysingle outfit both in the video and on stage were a 10 out of 10. Lisa´s pink wig has to go. 2:AIIYL (9): The set design for the video was out of this wold beautiful, Lisa´s rap is the best rap she has had hands down and her orange hair remains superior. this song has my favorite BP choreo, and for the styling i only liked their school girl uniforms. 1: Kill this Love (10): People like to call this song Dx4 2.0 but this everything about this song is better that Dx4, the video is better, the choreo is better, the styling is better, the rap is better, the only thing that i didnt like about this era were Lisa´s blonde wig and Jennie´s black wig/extencions
My life today is a lot different than it was prior to July 8th 2017. That's not my sobriety date, but it was the last moment I refused to acknowledge that my alcoholism was a problem. During the time between then and today's date of that year, I was very confused. I drifted in and out of meetings. I read books about alcoholism. I bought whiskey and put it away for "emergencies." Trouble is, when you're an alcoholic like me, every goddamn day is an emergency. Or, if not an emergency, a celebration. I drank because I wanted things to change to my liking. Other times, I drank because I was afraid of change. For me, there was never any difficulty finding a reason to get drunk. But today, I can say that the reasons to get sober are many. I don't have to hide the amount of my drinking anymore. I don't have to refill the decanter from a hidden stash, because the falling level would draw my wife's suspicion. I don't have to worry, when we go to the beach for a week, about finding a place to hide my empties. If I am really lucky, my two kids will not remember a time when Daddy often drove them around town drunk. Most of all, I am allowed to live in the present tense. I can dwell in a world and among people who don't always behave the way I think they should. I can forgive them. And some days, I have to. God knows, if I had been drinking in 2020, it might've killed me. I lurk a lot in this sub, and I read often of people who are wary of AA. For me, it was the God thing. I didn't like religion, and didn't like people who practiced it. Even if they called it "spirituality." Having said that, I could see early on that the meetings were helping me. And so I made some mental concessions that allowed me to keep going without abandoning all my beliefs. The biggest one of which was acknowledging that if there is no God, then it sure as hell ain't me. The higher power can be abstract and that's fine. I spent a lot of time overthinking it and when I look back, it really just set me back. I am sober today in large part today through talking to people, in person, at meetings. But I know from reading this sub, that's not the only way. Do what works. Don't sweat the slip-ups. And stay in the moment. When I get bent out of shape about something, I often ask my self, Am I doing perfectly okay at this moment? The answer is almost always yes. The world may end tomorrow, but we can at least not drink today. That's what I'll be doing. And I wish you all the same.
2020.09.18 15:10 RecordingSuch8648My relationship with alcohol- now 37 days sober
Here’s what I allowed the dragon to do to me..... RUIN MY LIFE! I realized this because from March to present I have received 8 criminal charges and had a clean prior record. (2) Domestic Violences, (2) Hit and skips, (2) Assaults, (1) open container (I received that in a court house parking lot), and one disorderly conduct while intoxicated. I have been to jail 4 times since March and am now 37 days sober wearing a court ordered alcohol ankle bracelet. Although I would like to have a beer, 160 more days in jail is not worth it. This bracelet most likely saved my life and most likely the lives of others. I am 43 Female had all my shit together; alcohol does not discriminate. I lost my 18 year marriage to my high school sweetheart mostly because of my drinking. I lost a great career because I got fired for being drunk at work. I got arrested at court for being in the parking lot drinking in my truck when I was turning myself in on a warrant. Additionally, I had another court date a few months later, went to court drunk told the judge off and got put in the “hole” for 10 days on my third stent in jail. My dad and I drove two separate cars to a bar one night. We wrecked into each other wasted on the highway going about 70 mph. My car exploded I got out and ran. My dad kept driving because he was so drunk not realizing what happened. I ran from the scene to a store to buy beer and hid in the woods so when the cops found me drunk I wouldn’t get a dui. I ended up in the Psych ward. Needless to say, this situation caused a huge family uproar. I lost both sets of my grandparents last year within 4 months. I was destroyed over losing them. My drinking got worse and I used beer as a coping mechanism. I watched them die almost everyday by caring for them at their home. I would drink at their home; sneak all day but leave my empties in the garage garbage can. I can’t remember too much of my last few weeks with them because I was blacked out. I hate myself for this. My grandma was on life support in the hospital. I went there to be with her to tell her goodbye. I went back outside got in my cooler started pounding beers. My bf came there to check on me. We ended up having sex in my truck and then I went back to see my grandma and ended up passing out drunk in the hospital bed laying next to her!!!! What an embarrassing mess!!! I went to the cemetery a few times and got blasted and passed out on their graves and woke up the next morning saying WTF out loud while I’m covered in mud and dew from the morning. My Mother just passed away in July of COVID 19. Again, I hate myself because the last time I got to physically see her, I was wasted and we argued. She told me what a piece of shit I had become; that was in May. She went in the hospital a few days later. We couldn’t see her again until the day before she passed because of the COVID-19 rules. I wish I had all the voicemails I saved from her (good and bad) just to hear her voice again. However, I don’t because I dropped my phone in the toilet. Yes, I was drunk. I have let alcohol destroy every once of my being. I’ve been to AA meetings and counseling. I don’t like to talk face-to-face because I’m ashamed and feel judged. I finally looked in the mirror and said “who the fuck” are you?? It just all of a sudden hit me. I write my thoughts down everyday along with my regrets. What I had and what I lost, along with all my future goals. I read a lot about my addiction and keep my mind busy. It’s going to work for me and I hope this story helps at least one person. 🦋
2020.09.18 02:55 Egodin87My wife filed for divorce.
Hey guys, I’m a 32 year old guy, been married for 4 years and dated her 6 years before that. My wife is a wonderful woman, she the best cook ever and she is just such a nice person I love her more than anything on this earth. But over the last year I have had some problems that have developed that have caused her to file for divorce. In October of last year my best friend died, it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would, and slowly I started to change. I began to drink heavily often, and I began to become verbally abusive. I took it all out on her. I always thought I hated her when it was happening, but now after she left I realize I made a horrible mistake. I realize now that she was unhappy because I didn’t understand her, when she would complain that she was depressed I thought she was trying to get out of something so I dismissed it. When I found out she wasn’t paying bills and we got multiple huge bills, she said she was afraid to ask for money because I would get angry. I figured she was just lying to get out of it. Turns out I was wrong. I never understood until now that just because something she says she feels sounds rediculous to me, doesn’t mean she doesn’t actually feel it. If she says she is afraid, doesnt matter if it makes sense or not I should’ve respected that. If she says she is hurt, I should’ve comforted her and helped heal her pain. I let all these simple misunderstandings grow, she became unhappy and somehow that led to me becoming unhappy. How can a husband be happy if his wife isn’t? I just always figured it was because she was depressed but it was actually because every time she cried out for help to her husband he dismissed her. I just blamed my unhappiness on her because I didn’t understand it was simply because I was making her unhappy. Which made her more unhappy and led to a vicious cycle until near the end I hated her. She left, and I did about 3 weeks of soul searching and praying before I found the answer. And now i am completely wracked with guilt. I hate myself and I am so disgusted. How could I treat the woman I love that way? How could I call her those horrible names? How could I blame her for everything that was ALL MY FAULT? I want to reconcile our marriage. I love my wife. I am attending counseling, AA, and seeing our pastor. I need to understand her, I need to feel her pain and I need to come to terms with how I have hurt her. But I am a selfish pig, a horrible person that has hurt the only good thing he ever had in life. Has anyone here ever successfully reconciled a marriage after the spouse has filed for divorce? If so, what happened and how did you do it? I need to turn my life around and focus on my entire life serving and honoring my wife. I need to be a good man and make her proud, I have failed guys I just need some good advice on how to become the man she doesn’t want to divorce anymore. We have very limited contact, ( through my mother), she lives with friends who now hate me. It’s looking bad.
Franchise has definitely taken a back seat the last couple of years as well as rtts bc of DD but It's a game mode I still rather enjoy and it's been deserving of a big update since 17' Below I will suggest some QoL as well as some features and gameplay that could be adjusted or added. Gameplay These are some things that absolutely kill my mood for this mode sometimes and I would if I could prioritize having these adjusted. Sending down a minor league player during spring training uses a minor league option. This does not happen in real life and what ends up happening to some of my players is some of the are automatically being placed on waivers because they are out of options, this has lead me losing countless prospects and starting players. Players regression is pretty bad and in dire need of some adjustments. My magic number for a player falling off a cliff is there age 34 season and usually unusable by the time they hit 36 or 37. Players even start falling off when they hit 30. I don't need every player to play until they are 40 but when you are 99 overall with A potential there's no need to be retired by age 35 BB/9 makes or breaks a pitcher, alot of superstar pitchers such as Casey Mize, and Forest Whitely can turn out to peform terribly because despite having elite stats all around the board there BB/9 will be low. Despite being 95+ overall they tend to hover around a 4.5 ERA which is just not right. The most important stat for a pitcher is BB/9 and if it's not higher than a 65 or 70 on a pitcher they are more often than not useless. I've seen relievers who have a 95+H/9, a 95+K/9, and a 95+ H9 and they are unsusable because their BB/9 is too low. The draft has way too many players who are way to low overall with high potential that will never develop. There really needs to be more superstar talent and atleast a 90 overall phenom every 5 years or so, the logic that players aren't allowed to hit there potential until 6 or 7 years for almost every players is rediculous, there needs to be players that are actually MLB ready out of the Draft or close to. Trade Logic is bad and in need of a rework, the only thing the CPUs care about is overall, potential, and age, budget only matters to them if the trade exceeds thier budget but other than that trading 34 year old Chris Davis making 22 million in the minors is no problem. Also seasonal stats have no value to the CPU, I've traded for players leading the league in ERA who are on contending teams for low level prospects because thier only B potential and 82 overall. The entire offseason is bad. Tendering contracts is such a pain, there needs to be a way to automatically renew contracts of players who are not on the 40 man and making 100k or less every year. Free agency is also awful, almost all of the players that are at the top of FA market are 30+ years old asking for maxed out contracts its a joke. Morale should not be effected by how much a player makes, if you undercut a player by 5% of thier desired salary there moral will be heavily effected, I never understood the Idea that every player in the game is greedy enough to play below there stats because they are mad of a contract that they accepted. minor problems Awards are such as MVP are awful, it goes by who has the most HR and RBI and that's it, I've had players with 11 WAR season lose to someone with 3 or 4 war because they had more HR's. Stats have no impact in trades or free agency, players have one the MVP one year and then left unsigned the next. CPU's care about overall too much and alot of players overall are heavily carried by defense and speed with no bat but possess a high trade value because there overall is high, this is why stats need to be factored into trades and other signings. Features Please please please add a history tab to players, when I click on a player I want to see how I got them, when I got them, and if they were traded who they were traded for. Thier is a roster history you can look at but it's so clunky and inconvenient, along with it doesn't tell you what year or date they were drafted or traded. There really needs to be a league history. The closest thing is some all time records page of some basic accomplishments. I want to see what my teams record was 10 years ago. I want to be able to look at Mike Trouts stats after he retires. I want to see who led the MLB in war 6 years ago. Let us trade more than 3 players and also send money over to another team. The expansion team feature was half ass'd. All you do is change your team name and uniform. No expansion draft, no actual budget market changes, no choosing the division, you literally get to change the name of your team and the jersey and that's it. There needs to be a draft atleast. Being able to see minor league stats. When you switch to your double AA team you could literally click the league leaders and see every stat for AA players such as WAR, OPS, everything so I don't understand why they can't just show those stats for players in the minors. International free agents, simple way to add them is just to have randomly generated foreign players when free agency starts, and actually make free agency worth looking forward too. Conclusion There are countless things I didn't include, of course I don't expect much or any of these to be actually added next year but this is my dream wishlist if there ever was one, if just one of these features would be added or fixed I would be very pleased.
2020.09.17 22:15 Spicy_KombuchaNew to ENM. SO has a date planned and I'm worried
Update: thank you all so much for calling me in. I had a vulnerable moment and being able to process this here and be shine my blindspots was incredibly helpful! SO had a great conversation, I had a night away are a friend's house for other reasons but the time to process and do my own thing was helpful too. And when I came back this morning, we had sex for the first time in a few weeks since my attraction had switched off. I feel much safer in this process! Thank you for your guidance! Hello all! Way too many years ago, I practiced ENM but when we married, SO was very uncomfortable with it. He and I have great chemistry so it's never really been a problem until about 13 years in. He withdrew from me, hid his drinking and binge eating, and refused to take care of his body, gaining 150 lbs. I work hard to stay fit and healthy and, finally, after years of "helping", begging and then ignoring, and lots of marriage counseling, I've lost my attraction to him. So I told him I want to sleep with other people. Boy, that got his attention! He cried because he immediately went to DIVORCE but I don't want that either. I want my husband but if he can't bother to care for himself or me, I deserve to have my needs met elsewhere. I don't think it children should have to suffer for that. Lots of talking. Lots of crying. Lots of me feeling relief for finally just being able to be honest and you know what? He heard me. Really heard me. He's getting sober and had a sponsor who's a good friend in AA. Signed up for a gym and actually went. Several times now! He's already losing weight and feeling more relaxed and calm then he has in years. Got his own therapist, a wellness check up, et al. He's doing the work! And then he approached me to ask what would it look like if we slept with others. Great conversation, thoughtful questions and answers. Honesty, compassion for each other and himself. This is the man I married but not the man I've been with for the last 5 years. So, I'm in a bit of shock. I've told him this is confusing, that I didn't expect this and I'm pleased but nervous. We each have someone we are interested in (we both know) and he's now got a date scheduled. This is becoming real so quickly and I have to admit I'm a little scared. I really don't want to mess this up. Part of me wants to see their texts but I really wouldn't want to show him mine, mostly because he is uncomfortable with details but I kinda like them. So far, I've asked for these rules. Condoms. Oral is ok, use your best judgement. I kinda would like to be able to approve his dates even though I don't think he wants to do that for me. Don't plan dates on evenings we have specific family time or on nights I have to be out for events. I would do the same. I don't want our kids home alone frequently. I think I'm ok with him staying over if he texts me by 10:30 and is back home in the morning before the kids wake up at 8. But I don't know how to feel about the romance thing. We both have to have respect for our partners but I would be furious if he got deep in feels and decided to leave. Where are we on this spectrum? We're reading about stuff and will talk a little later today but I've been obsessing in a not good way about this and I'm feeling worse and so insecure. I didn't anticipate this though it could be that I feel that way because my date was called off because he woke feeling ill. TL;DR good marriage gone sad, rekindling by experimenting with ENM, He's got a date and I don't and I don't want him to leave me.
2020.09.17 22:02 browzaajail time or is there alternatives??
So back in march of this year I got my first dui with no priors kn record. It was in northern CA and it was pretty bad. I had a BAC of .15 and there was bodily injuries to the other party. I’ve gotten all of his hospital and insurance fees covered and already lawyered up. I had a court date for a warrent they put out and I’m out on OR (no bail fees thank god.) and the SCRAM ankle device. I have court again in a few weeks. I did the 3 month dui program before court and the judge has me doing 5 aa’s a week until court. Best outcome I don’t see the inside of jail obviously and thats what i’m praying for. Anything besides jail. Has anyone been in a similar dui with injuries and gotten out with zero jail time just alternative punishments?? I can give more info on the dui if needed, thanks!
Can you recover without AA or similar support? That question is starting to come between my brother and me. I have needed to quit drinking for several years, felt it in my bones that I was bloody well going to quit right after last Christmas, and after several tries I am on Day 25. My older brother has been sober for 8 years. He hit a very hard rock bottom and has recovered to such an extent that he is an inspiration. We talk often and it’s been very helpful but he is consistent in his encouragement that I should go to AA meetings, which remain key to his own recovery. We had not spoken for several days before we caught up by phone last night and there was some judgement in his tone when we talked about the fact that I have still not gone to an AA meeting (at least one of the online versions). I am not a joiner and I am a stubborn SOB, and I want to do this alone - and with the support of this online community, because you folks are awesome and amazing. I did try AA, although I admit my toe was not in the pool water for very long: I signed into one online AA meeting about two weeks ago, had an immediate negative reaction, dropped off, and I have never tried again. So, what’s my problem? I want a life separate from alcohol, and I sometimes feel that AA members are as hooked to talking about drinking in recovery as they were hooked to the booze itself before they quit. Alcohol is still there in their lives. It’s like the guy who divorces his wife “to get away from her” and then spends all his time grousing about her, fighting over custody, stalking her online and harassing her friends. His life still revolves around her. When I divorce myself from alcohol I mean it. I want to move to another state, burn the wedding photographs, change my name, start dating again, and move fucking on. There are always multiple paths through any life situation and the AA path does not feel right to me. I hope that I am not kidding myself by thinking I can do this without AA. But I quit because alcohol was hurting me. The gout, the early morning anxiety attacks, the dermatitis, the bloating and digestive problems, the cycle of elation and then crushing depression and fatigue, and that horrible realization that I was always the drunkest person in the room (which made me just another hamster on alcohol’s wheel) - I don’t want that anymore. I want to get back to the Philip who runs and works out and reads books and just fucking does non-booze things, even if he now is a crabby 57-year old. End of rant. This app really does help and I know that I am not “doing it alone” as long as I stay connected here. While I am looking for some advice and feedback about whether I can quit without relying on AA, I also guess that I have pretty much spelled out that I intend to quit without AA, anyway. Writing this post has been an interesting journey in itself. I love a challenge. And I mean no disrespect to any of my fellow alcoholics whose paths include (and whose recovery benefits from) AA. The goal is to live without alcohol and I don’t care if you get there by adopting a kangaroo and commuting to work on a pogo stick. I am not drinking with any of you lovely people today. Stay strong.
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2020.09.17 10:20 orange3cpartsAsus ROG Zephyrus M GU502GU Review
When it rains, it pours. This is often an adage that has usually been real of Asus launches at Computex from the past and it truly is not about to alter whenever quickly. The Taiwanese electronics manufacturer experienced a lengthy record of laptop computer designs to announce at Computex 2019 in Taipei. The checklist bundled a refreshed array of ZenBook and 661 3760/Cargador Apple 20 inch VivoBook types plus the ScreenPad Plus-equipped ZenBook Duo/Pro Duo. The list also involved a freshly built batch of ROG gaming laptops, one particular of which was the Zephyrus M GU502. At initially look, it can be uncomplicated to inform the Zephyrus M structure has matured a great deal. The Zephyrus M GU502 is lighter, extra compact, and even somewhat more subdued in look. But that is in all probability as the lighting and cooling units are relatively low-key about the laptop computer. Our evaluation device was the GU502GU variant. It was powered by AD883020/Cargador Asus AD883020 an Intel ninth Gen Core i7 CPU, an Nvidia GeForce GTX 1660 Ti graphics card, and 16GB of RAM alongside with 512GB of solid-state storage. This becoming the first notebook to enter our exam lab that has a ninth Gen Intel chip, we had been desirous to use a go on it. Go through on to discover how the brand new ''Zephy'' executed. Asus has diversified its ROG Zephyrus line of super-slim gaming laptops to succeed in diverse selling price and marketplace segments. When the Zephyrus S products remain built to be as trim and potent as is possible, the Zephyrus M and Zephyrus G varieties are directed at a lot more mainstream and entry-level buyers respectively. They are however fairly trim, but bateria acer aspire 5742 to not a diploma that drives the producing complexity and for that reason the price approximately stratospheric stages. Additionally they never receive the quite highest-end hardware, similar to the S sequence. Nowadays, we're examining the Zephyrus M GU502GU, which strikes a equilibrium of ability, sizing, and cost that ought to attract various gamers. The most up-to-date Asus ROG gaming notebook lineup was unveiled in April this yr, shortly just after both of those Intel and Nvidia launched new CPUs and GPUs respectively. Many of these versions have just been launched in India, and bateria bose soundlink mini 2 our Zephyrus M GU502GU unit features new elements that make it extremely appealing. Priced at Rs. one,49,990 and weighing just below 2kg, could this gaming laptop look for a lasting place in the backpack? Study on to see. The ROG Zephyrus M GU502 features a fifteen.6-inch Comprehensive High definition (1920X1080) exhibit by using a refresh amount of as much as 144Hz and 3ms response time. The esports-grade exhibit would make fast-paced shooters silky easy and crystal very clear, even though factory calibration with 100% sRGB and Pantone validation and ASUS ProArt TruColor Engineering that Bater¡§aa Dell Precision XPS 15 makes use of manufacturing unit recalibrated approach ensures exact colour reproduction for content material creators who also come up with a living on their own laptops.Using a screen-to-body ratio of 81%, players receive a extra immersive working experience and a lovely, modern-day slim-bezel design and style. The decision to forgo the inbuilt webcam is usually a deliberate design and style decision: built-in webcams often yield very poor quality final results and they are not independently adjustable, which would not replicate the top quality top quality somewhere else. DESIGN The Zephyrus M GU502 measures eighteen.9 millimetres in peak and weighs one.nine kilogrammes, which, in line with Asus, is twenty five % thinner and 45 p.c lighter than regular 15-inch laptops. In my practical experience, I felt the Zephyrus M GU502 was with regard to the Bater¡§aa Dell T54F3 exact dimensions and body weight as every other fifteen.6-inch model but weighed remarkably less for the gaming notebook. Finding the laptop up with a person hand and moving from 1 bed room to another was an unexpectedly easy affair. The brushed metallic lid provided enough grip as well. When turned on, a piercing crimson Asus eye logo glows versus the notebook's black, diagonally-cut brushed-metal lid, which has a barely apparent two-tone finish. When shut, a notch around the bottom of your lid reveals a stippled deck with LED indicators for battery lifestyle, power and hard-drive position. The first thing you'll detect once you open the Bater¡§aa HP Pavilion 15 ac061NR lid is razor-thin bezels framing 3 sides of your laptop's 15-inch display screen. Equally as visible could be the thick bottom bezel, in which Asus put microphones and an ROG Zephyrus brand.The Zephyrus M GU502's flat, rectangular base features a similar form on the 15-inch MacBook Professional. Having said that, the surface about the Asus has a gritty, sandblasted paint that offered a pleasing resistance towards my palms after i typed to the keyboard. It is a welcome departure from the smooth, chilly aluminum we frequently discover on quality devices. Display Asus has upped the bar for mid-range gaming laptops by dropping sixty Hz selections in favor of 144 Hz and 240 Hz with the GU502 sequence. We are relieved to check out that the GU502 utilizes the identical AU Optronics panel as located within the pricier GX502GW in lieu of the horrendous sixty Hz panel within the more affordable GA502DU or FX505 series. Therefore, our GU502GU examination device shares many of the exact same display attributes as the GX502GW including the Bater¡§aa Lenovo B590 MBX34GE super-fast reaction situations, somewhat large colour room, respectable contrast ratio, and normal brightness values. We suspect the 240 Hz display choice employs precisely the same or pretty comparable panel given that the just one within the 240 Hz Razer Blade fifteen. The Main i7-9750H CPU and GTX 1660 Ti GPU concentrate on higher mainstream gamers in distinction to more cost-effective laptops with the slower Main i5-9300H, Ryzen 7 3750H, or GTX 1050/1650. You can engage in any video game at indigenous 1080p with bateria lenovo e330 most options turned to High. For triple-digit frame costs or greater resolutions, having said that, the Zephyrus S or ROG G sequence can be greater options since they supply graphics solutions up to the RTX 2080. The Zephyrus M GU502 features a fifteen.6-inch IPS Lcd monitor that has a Complete High definition resolution, 3ms reaction time, and 144Hz refresh charge. The matte end keeps the display screen free of glare, which can easily distract anyone that's both performing or gaming. The PANTONE-validated exhibit from the notebook appeared dazzling and Bater¡§aa Lenovo IdeaPad U330 vibrant even though observing films, browsing about the web, and actively playing game titles. Colours appeared neither also saturated nor way too washed out. The utmost brightness gave the impression to be ample for many well-lit spots. In summary, the screen to the Zephy is a lot more than satisfactory for all sorts of material consumption. Performance Before we commence to speak about our review unit's actions and overall performance you need to recognize that it's a pre-production product, but with experienced drivers from Nvidia (GeForce 430.86), therefore it performs inside our impression in step with anything you must assume within the retail versions, this is exactly why we place this by our regular set of exams and released the Bater¡§aa Lenovo Yoga 300 results below.Though the ROG Zephyrus M remains primarily advertised for a gaming ultraportable, I take into account that standing is usually reserved for your GX line with all the beefier graphics, whilst this is primarily a well-balanced allrounder that could tackle mundane use, intense get the job done duties and gaming at the conclusion of the workday. We'll reach gaming down under, but initially, it is best to know that this handles every day chores smoothly, though functioning coolly and quietly. The supporters never things completely off, not even around the Silent manner in Armoury Crate, but Bater¡§aa Lenovo Yoga Tablet 2 1051 spin little by little (at about 34-38 dB according to out metter, and 25-28 dB in accordance with the examining in Armoury Crate), so you're not planning to listen to them inside a typical atmosphere, however, you continue to will inside a silent place. Even so, here is what to anticipate when it comes to efficiency and CPU/GPU thermals with browsing, text-editing, and video streaming. On our CPU benchmark tests, the critique device executed a lot more or less respectaly. On PCMark 8's Standard Resourceful test, the Zephy scored 3952. As compared, the Dell G7 and Asus ROG Zephyrus S GX531 scored 3925 and 2878 while in the very same exam respectively. On GPU benchmark assessments, the evaluation unit failed to do this properly. On 3DMark's Hearth Strike Ultra, the Zephy scored 3005. As compared, the Dell G7 and Asus ROG Zephyrus S GX531 bagged 3085 and Cargador Acer Aspire V3/Cargador Acer Aspire V3 571 4471 within the similar two tests respectively. On 3DMark's Sky Diver, on the other hand, the Zephy scored 28805. Compared, the Dell G7 and Asus ROG Zephyrus S GX531 got 31687 and 33918 within the same two exams respectively. Keyboard and Touchpad The GU502 shares a similar keyboard and clickpad (10.five x seven.5 cm) as around the GA502 and GX502. So, most of our present remarks on those laptops implement right here about the GU502. We definitely imagine the input equipment in this article come to feel extra normal and straightforward to make use of as opposed to unorthodox strategy on the Cargador AD883020 thinner GX531.Per-key RGB lighting is out there versus the single-zone lights over the cheaper GA502. Sad to say, not every single critical image is lit because the modest Purpose symbols (i.e., F1, F2, F3, and many others.) are opaque. Moreover, the grey font shades printed on every single vital do not contrast incredibly nicely against the black crucial caps and so it really is advisable to possess the lighting on for much easier typing. BATTERY The Zephyrus M GU502 ships with a 76Wh lithium-ion polymer battery, which Asus promises lasts six hrs over a single cost. On our normal battery benchmark take a look at, the review device lasted 2 hours, 22 minutes, and that is the Cargador ADP 33AW most affordable rating we've found from the gaming laptop computer in the previous. In everyday situations, the overview device missing near to 40 per cent of its cost in about an hour's time. Throughout the tests, Wi-Fi and Bluetooth have been turned on and cargador dell xps 13 the display brightness was set to seventy five per cent. Through the exams, I multitasked on Chrome, File Explorer, and various day-to-day applications. The very last issue to search for within a gaming notebook would be the battery lifestyle, nevertheless the Zephyrus M does fairly nicely. In our tests, the Zephyrus M delivered little more than five and also a 50 % hours over a solitary full charge. In our web searching take a look at, the Zephyrus M ran for 5 hrs and 03 minutes, even though utilizing battery saving manner and Cargador ADP 65GD cutting down monitor brightness to 20 %.It really is quick to neglect that the Zephyrus M GU502 is usually a gaming notebook and never an ultrabook. By gaming laptop computer requirements, the "over five hours" you obtain on the GU502 is kind of remarkable. This is certainly undoubtedly the most effective battery we have seen over a gaming laptop. Final thoughts We not too long ago reviewed the 15.6-inch MSI GF65 which ships while using the exact CPU and GPU as our Asus Zephyrus M GU502GU for nearly 50 % the price. When Cargador AP 06503 a competing sub-$1000 laptop computer can offer the identical gaming overall performance as your ~$2000 laptop computer, you then greater provide sufficient further attributes to warrant the price quality. In Asus' scenario, the GU502GU can be a combined bag. On that observe, the Zephyrus M GU502 is surely an fantastic multi-purpose notebook, and even though high-priced right this moment, it ought to boost in benefit during the months to come back as it will get discounted.Asus put alongside one another excellently crafted and typically functional notebook, a good typer along with a stable performer when tweaked, able to running quietly and cooly with day to day use, or quickly with demanding hundreds and Cargador Asus A15 games. I'm only score it at four.25 even though, as I nonetheless imagine there's much better worth for your gamer inside the RTX 2060 variant from the Zephyrus S GX502, in addition as a good number of quirks that may steer those interested in a reliable all-rounder in direction of something else. Among individuals, there is certainly the very fact the display screen is not shiny plenty of for out of doors use, which you might will need within an all-rounder, in addition to doesn't lean back again past 120-130 degrees, the battery daily life and speakers are not stunning by any usually means, plus the IO lacks Thunderbolt 3 or perhaps a card reader.Excellent management is an additional about factor that Cargador Asus AD883020 has plagued Asus laptops within the earlier, that is why I'd personally recommend you to definitely only get this from trustworthy suppliers that adequately handle returns and probable RMAs, and don't be disappointed if you do end up with quirky product or service that you'll have to mail back, just bear in mind that it can take place.We are going to wrap up our evaluate in the Zephyrus M GU502GU below, but the feedback part down below awaits your opinions, issues, and impressions, and I'd love to listen to that which you consider this laptop and its general worth.
2020.09.17 06:03 assessment_bot[ Non-Fatal ] [ 09/05/2020 ] American Aviation AA 1, Newnan/ GA
On September 5, 2020, about 1850 eastern daylight time, an American Aviation AA1, N6107L, was substantially damaged when it was involved in an accident at the Newnan Coweta County Airport (CCO), Newnan , Georgia. The flight instructor and pilot receiving instruction were not injured. The airplane was operated as a Title 14 Code of Federal Regulations Part 91 instructional flight. According to the flight instructor, they were practicing a simulated engine failure in the airport traffic pattern, when the airplane was about 300 ft above ground level, the pilot applied full power to go-around, but the engine did not respond and remained at a low power setting. The flight instructor took control of the airplane, but he was not able to increase engine power and the airplane continued to descend. The airplane touched down on the right side of runway 32, impacted a lighted taxiway sign box, veered sharply to the left and subsequently impacted the trees bordering the west side of the airport property. Examination of the airplane by a Federal Aviation Administration inspector revealed that it sustained substantial damage to the fuselage and both wings. The cockpit and engine compartment were relatively intact. The airplane was retained for further examination.
2020.09.17 01:36 agedmanofwarUtter confusion reading an article I thought might be by Jason
I'll link the article below. I was being nosy and trying to search and see if Jason explained anywhere why he was abstaining from alcohol. I was hoping to find like a Reddit post or something. I came across an article published a few years ago on Medium by a "Jason Murphy" titled " Using Alcohol to Deal with Insecurity" and thought, "Maybe this is it?" It started off subtle " I’m not a shrink, counselor, or AA advocate. This post is not some diatribe on why alcohol is bad. It will not include stats on alcoholism or DUI fatalities or problem pregnancies as a result of alcohol abuse. No, this post will share my journey with alcohol and hopefully explain some past behavior and who knows, possible help someone with a similar challenge." Described drinking in college, and using it as a social lubricant. Then it took a turn, there was a DUI, bar fights, threatening to punch a boss in the face. I was like WHOOOOOA..... Then I re-examined the date it was published, the picture on the article, and I was like OH.... WRONG Jason Murphy LOL. Still an interesting article. I actually identified with the social pressure to drink, I stopped drinking for 2 years because of a medication I was on that didn't make me feel good when I drank. And I would get teased at like parties. People would ask "why isn't he drinking?......" But anyway, just thought I'd share my embarrassing funny confused moment. I guess that's what I get for being nosy? Article: https://medium.com/@jasonmmurphy/using-alcohol-to-deal-with-insecurity-f7dc555ae2ed
2020.09.16 20:12 GatoAmarilloSix Flag's Great Recovery - Buying calls is easy money! $SIX
Ok i didn't intend on rhyming the title but I like it. Six Flags is a popular amusement park chain with 26 different parks spread across America. When the coronavirus happened, they quickly adapted the necessary changes they needed to re-open their parks as fast as possible and keep them clean. According to this article they reopened their park, Frontier City on June 5th. (AMC finally opened their theaters last weekend 😴) Six Flags started with a minimal guest policy at first because of corona, and over time are becoming more lenient and letting more people in to keep boosting revenue. Also they now use some king of IR thermal imaging device on your eyeball to see if you're healthy. They do that to everyone who goes in the park including employees. The rest of the article goes on about their social distancing policies and being sanitary. They've been slowly opening up all of their parks and as of now Hurricane Harbor is the only park that's closed. That leaves them with 25 open parks to rake in those tendies for their earnings date (10/27/20) For people that had the season pass to that closed park, Six Flags guaranteed them free admission for all of 2021. They truly have very friendly staff and with all the activities to do it's easy to be there literally all day. I've been to Six Flags Great America countless times. Go on the Raging Bull pussy, it's not that bad. They had a fairly stable stock for years hovering around the high $50s to the high $60s. As of this very second $SIX is at $25.30 and their stock went up by over a dollar today alone with 3 hours left to go until the market closes. It's moving upwards at a modest pace and headed back towards their old levels. I suspect it will be at least two or three years before we see their old stock prices back again, but they're for sure on the road to success. This is such an easy play. to hop on. This might be one of the rare DD you read about BEFORE it moons. "This stock is up over 200% this year and 35% this week alone and you should buy it" There's still time left with this one! Although I wish I learned all this back in June...we're not late to this bus. I already bought my position this morning. I would buy two but I'm limited on capital. Pretty sure I overpaid for the option by $40, but less than ten minutes later I was green. Up $45 right now Position: 01/22/2022 $SIX $15c Earnings: 10/27/2020 Alternative Position: 01/20/2023 $SIX $12.5c I only bought the first position, but if you want to milk the living shit out of this I would go with the alternative position or why not both? I wouldn't skimp on the strike prices and go OTM because you'll wind up with theta deep up your ass. This stock doesn't have a whole lot to run, only up to $50 or so and if you're buying OTM leaps you will have to wait a long time for serious movement to get any decent gains that theta will rob from you anyways These ITM LEAPS only cost around twice as much as the slightly OTM LEAPS. My position above has 0.85 delta, so for every $1 the stock moves my/your contract value goes up $85. yes these are long-dated positions but you don't have to hold it for very long if you don't want to. I could cash out of this play right now and move on, but I know there's just so much more potential left inside. Position Screenshot My All-Time Screenshot ($3.8k buying power is because I just sold my MSFT leap at the beginning of today's dip but I plan on re-entering) I also withdrew over $1k Why should you listen to me? Yes my account is small, but I only saved $300/paycheck for maybe 6 or 8 months and I played the stock market until the march crash where I was down around 30%. I spent two months learning about options during lockdown and made damn sure I knew what I was doing before trying it. May 14th was the first day I bought options, That's also exactly when the graph starts going vertical. See that peak? That's what happens when you buy TSLA calls pre-split and panic sell them. Also SNAP earnings followed by some SPY puts 🤡 Anyway, this is the only play on a company I've come up with where I can confidently share it with everyone knowing that you will make some money. It ain't super fast money but over time it will add up. Good luck!
Your honor, If it is all right, for the majority of this statement I would like to address the defendant directly. You don’t know me, but you’ve been inside me, and that’s why we’re here today. On January 17th, 2015, it was a quiet Saturday night at home. My dad made some dinner and I sat at the table with my younger sister who was visiting for the weekend. I was working full time and it was approaching my bed time. I planned to stay at home by myself, watch some TV and read, while she went to a party with her friends. Then, I decided it was my only night with her, I had nothing better to do, so why not, there’s a dumb party ten minutes from my house, I would go, dance weird like a fool, and embarrass my younger sister. On the way there, I joked that undergrad guys would have braces. My sister teased me for wearing a beige cardigan to a frat party like a librarian. I called myself “big mama”, because I knew I’d be the oldest one there. I made silly faces, let my guard down, and drank liquor too fast not factoring in that my tolerance had significantly lowered since college. The next thing I remember I was in a gurney in a hallway. I had dried blood and bandages on the backs of my hands and elbow. I thought maybe I had fallen and was in an admin office on campus. I was very calm and wondering where my sister was. A deputy explained I had been assaulted. I still remained calm, assured he was speaking to the wrong person. I knew no one at this party. When I was finally allowed to use the restroom, I pulled down the hospital pants they had given me, went to pull down my underwear, and felt nothing. I still remember the feeling of my hands touching my skin and grabbing nothing. I looked down and there was nothing. The thin piece of fabric, the only thing between my vagina and anything else, was missing and everything inside me was silenced. I still don’t have words for that feeling. In order to keep breathing, I thought maybe the policemen used scissors to cut them off for evidence. Then, I felt pine needles scratching the back of my neck and started pulling them out my hair. I thought maybe, the pine needles had fallen from a tree onto my head. My brain was talking my gut into not collapsing. Because my gut was saying, help me, help me. I shuffled from room to room with a blanket wrapped around me, pine needles trailing behind me, I left a little pile in every room I sat in. I was asked to sign papers that said “Rape Victim” and I thought something has really happened. My clothes were confiscated and I stood naked while the nurses held a ruler to various abrasions on my body and photographed them. The three of us worked to comb the pine needles out of my hair, six hands to fill one paper bag. To calm me down, they said it’s just the flora and fauna, flora and fauna. I had multiple swabs inserted into my vagina and anus, needles for shots, pills, had a nikon pointed right into my spread legs. I had long, pointed beaks inside me and had my vagina smeared with cold, blue paint to check for abrasions. After a few hours of this, they let me shower. I stood there examining my body beneath the stream of water and decided, I don’t want my body anymore. I was terrified of it, I didn’t know what had been in it, if it had been contaminated, who had touched it. I wanted to take off my body like a jacket and leave it at the hospital with everything else. On that morning, all that I was told was that I had been found behind a dumpster, potentially penetrated by a stranger, and that I should get retested for HIV because results don’t always show up immediately. But for now, I should go home and get back to my normal life. Imagine stepping back into the world with only that information. They gave me huge hugs, and then I walked out of the hospital into the parking lot wearing the new sweatshirt and sweatpants they provided me, as they had only allowed me to keep my necklace and shoes. My sister picked me up, face wet from tears and contorted in anguish. Instinctively and immediately, I wanted to take away her pain. I smiled at her, I told her to look at me, I’m right here, I’m okay, everything’s okay, I’m right here. My hair is washed and clean, they gave me the strangest shampoo, calm down, and look at me. Look at these funny new sweatpants and sweatshirt, I look like a P.E. teacher, let’s go home, let’s eat something. She did not know that beneath my sweats, I had scratches and bandages on my skin, my vagina was sore and had become a strange, dark color from all the prodding, my underwear was missing, and I felt too empty to continue to speak. That I was also afraid, that I was also devastated. That day we drove home and for hours my sister held me. My boyfriend did not know what happened, but called that day and said, “I was really worried about you last night, you scared me, did you make it home okay?” I was horrified. That’s when I learned I had called him that night in my blackout, left an incomprehensible voicemail, that we had also spoken on the phone, but I was slurring so heavily he was scared for me, that he repeatedly told me to go find my sister. Again, he asked me, “What happened last night? Did you make it home okay?” I said yes, and hung up to cry. I was not ready to tell my boyfriend or parents that actually, I may have been raped behind a dumpster, but I don’t know by who or when or how. If I told them, I would see the fear on their faces, and mine would multiply by tenfold, so instead I pretended the whole thing wasn’t real. I tried to push it out of my mind, but it was so heavy I didn’t talk, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t interact with anyone. After work, I would drive to a secluded place to scream. I didn’t talk, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t interact with anyone, and I became isolated from the ones I loved most. For one week after the incident, I didn’t get any calls or updates about that night or what happened to me. The only symbol that proved that it hadn’t just been a bad dream, was the sweatshirt from the hospital in my drawer. One day, I was at work, scrolling through the news on my phone, and came across an article. In it, I read and learned for the first time about how I was found unconscious, with my hair disheveled, long necklace wrapped around my neck, bra pulled out of my dress, dress pulled off over my shoulders and pulled up above my waist, that I was butt naked all the way down to my boots, legs spread apart, and had been penetrated by a foreign object by someone I did not recognize. This was how I learned what happened to me, sitting at my desk reading the news at work. I learned what happened to me the same time everyone else in the world learned what happened to me. That’s when the pine needles in my hair made sense, they didn’t fall from a tree. He had taken off my underwear, his fingers had been inside of me. I don’t even know this person. I still don’t know this person. When I read about me like this, I said, this can’t be me. This can’t be me. I could not digest or accept any of this information. I could not imagine my family having to read about this online. I kept reading. In the next paragraph, I read something that I will never forgive; I read that according to him, I liked it. I liked it. Again, I do not have words for these feelings. At the bottom of the article, after I learned about the graphic details of my own sexual assault, the article listed his swimming times. She was found breathing, unresponsive with her underwear six inches away from her bare stomach curled in fetal position. By the way, he’s really good at swimming. Throw in my mile time if that’s what we’re doing. I’m good at cooking, put that in there, I think the end is where you list your extra-curriculars to cancel out all the sickening things that’ve happened. The night the news came out I sat my parents down and told them that I had been assaulted, to not look at the news because it’s upsetting, just know that I’m okay, I’m right here, and I’m okay. But halfway through telling them, my mom had to hold me because I could no longer stand up. I was not okay. The night after it happened, he said he didn’t know my name, said he wouldn’t be able to identify my face in a lineup, didn’t mention any dialogue between us, no words, only dancing and kissing. Dancing is a cute term; was it snapping fingers and twirling dancing, or just bodies grinding up against each other in a crowded room? I wonder if kissing was just faces sloppily pressed up against each other? When the detective asked if he had planned on taking me back to his dorm, he said no. When the detective asked how we ended up behind the dumpster, he said he didn’t know. He admitted to kissing other girls at that party, one of whom was my own sister who pushed him away. He admitted to wanting to hook up with someone. I was the wounded antelope of the herd, completely alone and vulnerable, physically unable to fend for myself, and he chose me. Sometimes I think, if I hadn’t gone, then this never would’ve happened. But then I realized, it would have happened, just to somebody else. You were about to enter four years of access to drunk girls and parties, and if this is the foot you started off on, then it is right you did not continue. The night after it happened, he said he thought I liked it because I rubbed his back. A back rub. Never mentioned me voicing consent, never mentioned us speaking, a back rub. One more time, in public news, I learned that my ass and vagina were completely exposed outside, my breasts had been groped, fingers had been jabbed inside me along with pine needles and debris, my bare skin and head had been rubbing against the ground behind a dumpster, while an erect freshman was humping my half naked, unconscious body. But I don’t remember, so how do I prove I didn’t like it. I thought there’s no way this is going to trial; there were witnesses, there was dirt in my body, he ran but was caught. He’s going to settle, formally apologize, and we will both move on. Instead, I was told he hired a powerful attorney, expert witnesses, private investigators who were going to try and find details about my personal life to use against me, find loopholes in my story to invalidate me and my sister, in order to show that this sexual assault was in fact a misunderstanding. That he was going to go to any length to convince the world he had simply been confused. I was not only told that I was assaulted, I was told that because I couldn’t remember, I technically could not prove it was unwanted. And that distorted me, damaged me, almost broke me. It is the saddest type of confusion to be told I was assaulted and nearly raped, blatantly out in the open, but we don’t know if it counts as assault yet. I had to fight for an entire year to make it clear that there was something wrong with this situation. When I was told to be prepared in case we didn’t win, I said, I can’t prepare for that. He was guilty the minute I woke up. No one can talk me out of the hurt he caused me. Worst of all, I was warned, because he now knows you don’t remember, he is going to get to write the script. He can say whatever he wants and no one can contest it. I had no power, I had no voice, I was defenseless. My memory loss would be used against me. My testimony was weak, was incomplete, and I was made to believe that perhaps, I am not enough to win this. That’s so damaging. His attorney constantly reminded the jury, the only one we can believe is Brock, because she doesn’t remember. That helplessness was traumatizing. Instead of taking time to heal, I was taking time to recall the night in excruciating detail, in order to prepare for the attorney’s questions that would be invasive, aggressive, and designed to steer me off course, to contradict myself, my sister, phrased in ways to manipulate my answers. Instead of his attorney saying, Did you notice any abrasions? He said, You didn’t notice any abrasions, right? This was a game of strategy, as if I could be tricked out of my own worth. The sexual assault had been so clear, but instead, here I was at the trial, answering question like: How old are you? How much do you weigh? What did you eat that day? Well what did you have for dinner? Who made dinner? Did you drink with dinner? No, not even water? When did you drink? How much did you drink? What container did you drink out of? Who gave you the drink? How much do you usually drink? Who dropped you off at this party? At what time? But where exactly? What were you wearing? Why were you going to this party? What’d you do when you got there? Are you sure you did that? But what time did you do that? What does this text mean? Who were you texting? When did you urinate? Where did you urinate? With whom did you urinate outside? Was your phone on silent when your sister called? Do you remember silencing it? Really because on page 53 I’d like to point out that you said it was set to ring. Did you drink in college? You said you were a party animal? How many times did you black out? Did you party at frats? Are you serious with your boyfriend? Are you sexually active with him? When did you start dating? Would you ever cheat? Do you have a history of cheating? What do you mean when you said you wanted to reward him? Do you remember what time you woke up? Were you wearing your cardigan? What color was your cardigan? Do you remember any more from that night? No? Okay, we’ll let Brock fill it in. I was pummeled with narrowed, pointed questions that dissected my personal life, love life, past life, family life, inane questions, accumulating trivial details to try and find an excuse for this guy who didn’t even take the time to ask me for my name, who had me naked a handful of minutes after seeing me. After a physical assault, I was assaulted with questions designed to attack me, to say see, her facts don’t line up, she’s out of her mind, she’s practically an alcoholic, she probably wanted to hook up, he’s like an athlete right, they were both drunk, whatever, the hospital stuff she remembers is after the fact, why take it into account, Brock has a lot at stake so he’s having a really hard time right now. And then it came time for him to testify. This is where I became revictimized. I want to remind you, the night after it happened he said he never planned to take me back to his dorm. He said he didn’t know why we were behind a dumpster. He got up to leave because he wasn’t feeling well when he was suddenly chased and attacked. Then he learned I could not remember. So one year later, as predicted, a new dialogue emerged. Brock had a strange new story, almost sounded like a poorly written young adult novel with kissing and dancing and hand holding and lovingly tumbling onto the ground, and most importantly in this new story, there was suddenly consent. One year after the incident, he remembered, oh yeah, by the way she actually said yes, to everything, so. He said he had asked if I wanted to dance. Apparently I said yes. He’d asked if I wanted to go to his dorm, I said yes. Then he asked if he could finger me and I said yes. Most guys don’t ask, Can I finger you? Usually there’s a natural progression of things, unfolding consensually, not a Q and A. But apparently I granted full permission. He’s in the clear. Even in this story, there’s barely any dialogue; I only said a total of three words before he had me half naked on the ground. I have never been penetrated after three words. He didn’t claim to hear me speak one full sentence that night, so in the news when it says we “met”, I’m not sure I would go so far as to say that. Future reference, if you are confused about whether a girl can consent, see if she can speak an entire sentence. You couldn’t even do that. Just one coherent string of words. If she can’t do that, then no. Don’t touch her, just no. Not maybe, just no. Where was the confusion? This is common sense, human decency. According to him, the only reason we were on the ground was because I fell down. Note; if a girl falls help her get back up. If she is too drunk to even walk and falls, do not mount her, hump her, take off her underwear, and insert your hand inside her vagina. If a girl falls help her up. If she is wearing a cardigan over her dress don’t take it off so that you can touch her breasts. Maybe she is cold, maybe that’s why she wore the cardigan. If her bare ass and legs are rubbing the pinecones and needles, while the weight of you pushes into her, get off her. Next in the story, two people approached you. You ran because you said you felt scared. I argue that you were scared because you’d be caught, not because you were scared of two terrifying Swedish grad students. The idea that you thought you were being attacked out of the blue was ludicrous. That it had nothing to do with you being on top my unconscious body. You were caught red handed, with no explanation. When they tackled you why didn’t [you] say, “Stop! Everything’s okay, go ask her, she’s right over there, she’ll tell you.” I mean you had just asked for my consent, right? I was awake, right? When the policeman arrived and interviewed the evil Swede who tackled you, he was crying so hard he couldn’t speak because of what he’d seen. Also, if you really did think they were dangerous, you just abandoned a half-naked girl to run and save yourself. No matter which way you frame it, it doesn’t make sense. Your attorney has repeatedly pointed out, well we don’t know exactly when she became unconscious. And you’re right, maybe I was still fluttering my eyes and wasn’t completely limp yet, fine. His guilt did not depend on him knowing the exact second that I became unconscious, that is never what this was about. I was slurring, too drunk to consent way before I was on the ground. I should have never been touched in the first place. Brock stated, “At no time did I see that she was not responding. If at any time I thought she was not responding, I would have stopped immediately.” Here’s the thing; if your plan was to stop only when I was literally unresponsive, then you still do not understand. You didn’t even stop when I was unconscious anyway! Someone else stopped you. Two guys on bikes noticed I wasn’t moving in the dark and had to tackle you. How did you not notice while on top of me? You said, you would have stopped and gotten help. You say that, but I want you to explain how you would’ve helped me, step by step, walk me through this. I want to know, if those evil Swedes had not found me, how the night would have played out. I am asking you; Would you have pulled my underwear back on over my boots? Untangled the necklace wrapped around my neck? Closed my legs, covered me? Tucked my bra back into my dress? Would you have helped me pick the needles from my hair? Asked if the abrasions on my neck and bottom hurt? Would you then go find a friend and say, Will you help me get her somewhere warm and soft? I don’t sleep when I think about the way it could have gone if the Swedes had never come. What would have happened to me? That’s what you’ll never have a good answer for, that’s what you can’t explain even after a year. To sit under oath and inform all of us, that yes I wanted it, yes I permitted it, and that you are the true victim attacked by guys for reasons unknown to you is sick, is demented, is selfish, is stupid. It shows that you were willing to go to any length, to discredit me, invalidate me, and explain why it was okay to hurt me. You tried unyieldingly to save yourself, your reputation, at my expense. My family had to see pictures of my head strapped to a gurney full of pine needles, of my body in the dirt with my eyes closed, dress hiked up, limbs limp in the dark. And then even after that, my family had to listen to your attorney say, the pictures were after the fact, we can dismiss them. To say, yes her nurse confirmed there was redness and abrasions inside her, but that’s what happens when you finger someone, and he’s already admitted to that. To listen to him use my own sister against me. To listen him attempt to paint of a picture of me, the seductive party animal, as if somehow that would make it so that I had this coming for me. To listen to him say I sounded drunk on the phone because I’m silly and that’s my goofy way of speaking. To point out that in the voicemail, I said I would reward my boyfriend and we all know what I was thinking. I assure you my rewards program is non-transferable, especially to any nameless man that approaches me. The point is, this is everything my family and I endured during the trial. This is everything I had to sit through silently, taking it, while he shaped the evening. It is enough to be suffering. It is another thing to have someone ruthlessly working to diminish the gravity and validity of this suffering. But in the end, his unsupported statements and his attorney’s twisted logic fooled no one. The truth won, the truth spoke for itself. You are guilty. Twelve jurors convicted you guilty of three felony counts beyond reasonable doubt, that’s twelve votes per count, thirty-six yeses confirming guilt, that’s one hundred percent, unanimous guilt. And I thought finally it is over, finally he will own up to what he did, truly apologize, we will both move on and get better. Then I read your statement. If you are hoping that one of my organs will implode from anger and I will die, I’m almost there. You are very close. Assault is not an accident. This is not a story of another drunk college hookup with poor decision making. Somehow, you still don’t get it. Somehow, you still sound confused. I will now take this opportunity to read portions of the defendant’s statement and respond to them. You said, “Being drunk I just couldn’t make the best decisions and neither could she.” Alcohol is not an excuse. Is it a factor? Yes. But alcohol was not the one who stripped me, fingered me, had my head dragging against the ground, with me almost fully naked. Having too much to drink was an amateur mistake that I admit to, but it is not criminal. Everyone in this room has had a night where they have regretted drinking too much, or knows someone close to them who has had a night where they have regretted drinking too much. Regretting drinking is not the same as regretting sexual assault. We were both drunk, the difference is I did not take off your pants and underwear, touch you inappropriately, and run away. That’s the difference. You said, If I wanted to get to know her, I should have asked for her number, rather than asking her to go back to my room. I’m not mad because you didn’t ask for my number. Even if you did know me, I would not want [to] be in this situation. My own boyfriend knows me, but if he asked to finger me behind a dumpster, I would slap him. No girl wants to be in this situation. Nobody. I don’t care if you know their phone number or not. You said, I stupidly thought it was okay for me to do what everyone around me was doing, which was drinking. I was wrong. Again, you were not wrong for drinking. Everyone around you was not sexually assaulting me. You were wrong for doing what nobody else was doing, which was pushing your erect dick in your pants against my naked, defenseless body concealed in a dark area, where partygoers could no longer see or protect me, and own my sister could not find me. Sipping fireball is not your crime. Peeling off and discarding my underwear like a candy wrapper to insert your finger into my body, is where you went wrong. Why am I still explaining this. You said, During the trial I didn’t want to victimize her at all. That was just my attorney and his way of approaching the case. Your attorney is not your scapegoat, he represents you. Did your attorney say some incredulously infuriating, degrading things? Absolutely. He said you had an erection, because it was cold. I have no words. You said, you are in the process of establishing a program for high school and college students in which you speak about your experience to “speak out against the college campus drinking culture and the sexual promiscuity that goes along with that.” Speak out against campus drinking culture. That’s what we’re speaking out against? You think that’s what I’ve spent the past year fighting for? Not awareness about campus sexual assault, or rape, or learning to recognize consent. Campus drinking culture. Down with Jack Daniels. Down with Skyy Vodka. If you want talk to high school kids about drinking go to an AA meeting. You realize, having a drinking problem is different than drinking and then forcefully trying to have sex with someone? Show men how to respect women, not how to drink less. Drinking culture and the sexual promiscuity that goes along with that. Goes along with that, like a side effect, like fries on the side of your order. Where does promiscuity even come into play? I don’t see headlines that read, Brock Turner, Guilty of drinking too much and the sexual promiscuity that goes along with that. Campus [Sexual] Assault. There’s your first powerpoint slide. I have done enough explaining. You do not get to shrug your shoulders and be confused anymore. You do not get to pretend that there were no red flags. You do not get to not know why you ran. You have been convicted of violating me with malicious intent, and all you can admit to is consuming alcohol. Do not talk about the sad way your life was upturned because alcohol made you do bad things. Figure out how to take responsibility for your own conduct. Lastly you said, I want to show people that one night of drinking can ruin a life. Ruin a life, one life, yours, you forgot about mine. Let me rephrase for you, I want to show people that one night of drinking can ruin two lives. You and me. You are the cause, I am the effect. You have dragged me through this hell with you, dipped me back into that night again and again. You knocked down both our towers, I collapsed at the same time you did. Your damage was concrete; stripped of titles, degrees, enrollment. My damage was internal, unseen, I carry it with me. You took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my own voice, until today. See one thing we have in common is that we were both unable to get up in the morning. I am no stranger to suffering. You made me a victim. In newspapers my name was “unconscious intoxicated woman”, ten syllables, and nothing more than that. For a while, I believed that that was all I was. I had to force myself to relearn my real name, my identity. To relearn that this is not all that I am. That I am not just a drunk victim at a frat party found behind a dumpster, while you are the All-American swimmer at a top university, innocent until proven guilty, with so much at stake. I am a human being who has been irreversibly hurt, who waited a year to figure out if I was worth something. My independence, natural joy, gentleness, and steady lifestyle I had been enjoying became distorted beyond recognition. I became closed off, angry, self-deprecating, tired, irritable, empty. The isolation at times was unbearable. You cannot give me back the life I had before that night either. While you worry about your shattered reputation, I refrigerated spoons every night so when I woke up, and my eyes were puffy from crying, I would hold the spoons to my eyes to lessen the swelling so that I could see. I showed up an hour late to work every morning, excused myself to cry in the stairwells, I can tell you all the best places in that building to cry where no one can hear you, the pain became so bad that I had to tell my boss I was leaving, I needed time because continuing day to day was not possible. I used my savings to go as far away as I could possibly be. I can’t sleep alone at night without having a light on, like a five year old, because I have nightmares of being touched where I cannot wake up, I did this thing where I waited until the sun came up and I felt safe enough to sleep. For three months, I went to bed at six o’clock in the morning. I used to pride myself on my independence, now I am afraid to go on walks in the evening, to attend social events with drinking among friends where I should be comfortable being. I have become a little barnacle always needing to be at someone’s side, to have my boyfriend standing next to me, sleeping beside me, protecting me. It is embarrassing how feeble I feel, how timidly I move through life, always guarded, ready to defend myself, ready to be angry. You have no idea how hard I have worked to rebuild parts of me that are still weak. It took me eight months to even talk about what happened. I could no longer connect with friends, with everyone around me. I would scream at my boyfriend, my own family whenever they brought this up. You never let me forget what happened to me. At the of end of the hearing, the trial, I was too tired to speak. I would leave drained, silent. I would go home turn off my phone and for days I would not speak. You bought me a ticket to a planet where I lived by myself. Every time a new article [would] come out, I lived with the paranoia that my entire hometown would find out and know me as the girl who got assaulted. I didn’t want anyone’s pity and am still learning to accept victim as part of my identity. You made my own hometown an uncomfortable place to be. Someday, you can pay me back for my ambulance ride and therapy. But you cannot give me back my sleepless nights. The way I have broken down sobbing uncontrollably if I’m watching a movie and a woman is harmed, to say it lightly, this experience has expanded my empathy for other victims. I have lost weight from stress, when people would comment I told them I’ve been running a lot lately. There are times I did not want to be touched. I have to relearn that I am not fragile, I am capable, I am wholesome, not just livid and weak. I want to say this. All the crying, the hurting you have imposed on me, I can take it. But when I see my younger sister hurting, when she is unable to keep up in school, when she is deprived of joy, when she is not sleeping, when she is crying so hard on the phone she is barely breathing, telling me over and over she is sorry for leaving me alone that night, sorry sorry sorry, when she feels more guilt than you, then I do not forgive you. That night I had called her to try and find her, but you found me first. Your attorney’s closing statement began, “My sister said she was fine and who knows her better than her sister.” You tried to use my own sister against me. Your points of attack were so weak, so low, it was almost embarrassing. You do not touch her. If you think I was spared, came out unscathed, that today I ride off into sunset, while you suffer the greatest blow, you are mistaken. Nobody wins. We have all been devastated, we have all been trying to find some meaning in all of this suffering. You should have never done this to me. Secondly, you should have never made me fight so long to tell you, you should have never done this to me. But here we are. The damage is done, no one can undo it. And now we both have a choice. We can let this destroy us, I can remain angry and hurt and you can be in denial, or we can face it head on, I accept the pain, you accept the punishment, and we move on. Your life is not over, you have decades of years ahead to rewrite your story. The world is huge, it is so much bigger than Palo Alto and Stanford, and you will make a space for yourself in it where you can be useful and happy. Right now your name is tainted, so I challenge you to make a new name for yourself, to do something so good for the world, it blows everyone away. You have a brain and a voice and a heart. Use them wisely. You possess immense love from your family. That alone can pull you out of anything. Mine has held me up through all of this. Yours will hold you and you will go on. I believe, that one day, you will understand all of this better. I hope you will become a better more honest person who can properly use this story to prevent another story like this from ever happening again. I fully support your journey to healing, to rebuilding your life, because that is the only way you’ll begin to help others. Now to address the sentencing. When I read the probation officer’s report, I was in disbelief, consumed by anger which eventually quieted down to profound sadness. My statements have been slimmed down to distortion and taken out of context. I fought hard during this trial and will not have the outcome minimized by a probation officer who attempted to evaluate my current state and my wishes in a fifteen minute conversation, the majority of which was spent answering questions I had about the legal system. The context is also important. Brock had yet to issue a statement, and I had not read his remarks. My life has been on hold for over a year, a year of anger, anguish and uncertainty, until a jury of my peers rendered a judgment that validated the injustices I had endured. Had Brock admitted guilt and remorse and offered to settle early on, I would have considered a lighter sentence, respecting his honesty, grateful to be able to move our lives forward. Instead he took the risk of going to trial, added insult to injury and forced me to relive the hurt as details about my personal life and sexual assault were brutally dissected before the public. He pushed me and my family through a year of inexplicable, unnecessary suffering, and should face the consequences of challenging his crime, of putting my pain into question, of making us wait so long for justice. I told the probation officer I do not want Brock to rot away in prison. I did not say he does not deserve to be behind bars. The probation officer’s recommendation of a year or less in county jail is a soft time-out, a mockery of the seriousness of his assaults, and of the consequences of the pain I have been forced to endure. I also told the probation officer that what I truly wanted was for Brock to get it, to understand and admit to his wrongdoing. Unfortunately, after reading the defendant’s statement, I am severely disappointed and feel that he has failed to exhibit sincere remorse or responsibility for his conduct. I fully respected his right to a trial, but even after twelve jurors unanimously convicted him guilty of three felonies, all he has admitted to doing is ingesting alcohol. Someone who cannot take full accountability for his actions does not deserve a mitigating sentence. It is deeply offensive that he would try and dilute rape with a suggestion of promiscuity. By definition rape is the absence of promiscuity, rape is the absence of consent, and it perturbs me deeply that he can’t even see that distinction. The probation officer factored in that the defendant is youthful and has no prior convictions. In my opinion, he is old enough to know what he did was wrong. When you are eighteen in this country you can go to war. When you are nineteen, you are old enough to pay the consequences for attempting to rape someone. He is young, but he is old enough to know better. As this is a first offense I can see where leniency would beckon. On the other hand, as a society, we cannot forgive everyone’s first sexual assault or digital rape. It doesn’t make sense. The seriousness of rape has to be communicated clearly, we should not create a culture that suggests we learn that rape is wrong through trial and error. The consequences of sexual assault needs to be severe enough that people feel enough fear to exercise good judgment even if they are drunk, severe enough to be preventative. The fact that Brock was a star athlete at a prestigious university should not be seen as an entitlement to leniency, but as an opportunity to send a strong cultural message that sexual assault is against the law regardless of social class. The probation officer weighed the fact that he has surrendered a hard earned swimming scholarship. If I had been sexually assaulted by an un-athletic guy from a community college, what would his sentence be? If a first time offender from an underprivileged background was accused of three felonies and displayed no accountability for his actions other than drinking, what would his sentence be? How fast he swims does not lessen the impact of what happened to me. The Probation Officer has stated that this case, when compared to other crimes of similar nature, may be considered less serious due to the defendant’s level of intoxication. It felt serious. That’s all I’m going to say. He is a lifetime sex registrant. That doesn’t expire. Just like what he did to me doesn’t expire, doesn’t just go away after a set number of years. It stays with me, it’s part of my identity, it has forever changed the way I carry myself, the way I live the rest of my life. A year has gone by and he has had lots of time on his hands. Has he been seeing a psychologist? What has he done in this past year to show he’s been progressing? If he says he wants to implement programs, what has he done to show for it? Throughout incarceration I hope he is provided with appropriate therapy and resources to rebuild his life. I request that he educates himself about the issue of campus sexual assault. I hope he accepts proper punishment and pushes himself to reenter society as a better person. To conclude, I want to say thank you. To everyone from the intern who made me oatmeal when I woke up at the hospital that morning, to the deputy who waited beside me, to the nurses who calmed me, to the detective who listened to me and never judged me, to my advocates who stood unwaveringly beside me, to my therapist who taught me to find courage in vulnerability, to my boss for being kind and understanding, to my incredible parents who teach me how to turn pain into strength, to my friends who remind me how to be happy, to my boyfriend who is patient and loving, to my unconquerable sister who is the other half of my heart, to Alaleh, my idol, who fought tirelessly and never doubted me. Thank you to everyone involved in the trial for their time and attention. Thank you to girls across the nation that wrote cards to my DA to give to me, so many strangers who cared for me. Most importantly, thank you to the two men who saved me, who I have yet to meet. I sleep with two bicycles that I drew taped above my bed to remind myself there are heroes in this story. That we are looking out for one another. To have known all of these people, to have felt their protection and love, is something I will never forget. And finally, to girls everywhere, I am with you. On nights when you feel alone, I am with you. When people doubt you or dismiss you, I am with you. I fought everyday for you. So never stop fighting, I believe you. Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining. Although I can’t save every boat, I hope that by speaking today, you absorbed a small amount of light, a small knowing that you can’t be silenced, a small satisfaction that justice was served, a small assurance that we are getting somewhere, and a big, big knowing that you are important, unquestionably, you are untouchable, you are beautiful, you are to be valued, respected, undeniably, every minute of every day, you are powerful and nobody can take that away from you. To girls everywhere, I am with you. Thank you.
2020.09.16 18:29 NinodonlordKsrizka - My homebrew monsters for your table. (copy just in case)
or: What counts is what's inside of you. Pronounciation: ksrɪɪtskɑ - "ks-rits-kah" Bottom line, upfront: Ksrizka, or shell people, are shapechanging monsters from the Outside, a realm between the layers of reality. They are born from the Void that resides there and seek to reclaim existence for the Outside. I will include several statblocks for your perusal at the end of the post as well as some magic items. 0. An orcish tale With a cry High King Grummshkarrn of the orc tribes embedded his axe into the skull of the intruder. How the female orc had been able to get the drop on him despite his sharp ears he didnt know. The knife in her hand, which had pierced his torso, however, made her intentions clear quite quickly. While Grummshkarrn began going over a list of chieftains he thought would be so cowardly they'd sent an assassin for him, the body of the assailant twitched. Grummshkarrns hand shot to the dagger at his hip while he took a step back out of caution. His axe had split the skull cleanly, he was sure of it. He had felt the bone splinter under his might. With unexpected speed the face of the body split in two, a thin line appearing along its center, travelling along the orcs neck and below her clothing. The two halves of the body peeled back, starting from the top, revealing pulsating flesh beneath. Inside Grummshkarrn saw movement until he spotted an eye peeking out from the inside. With a sickening tearing sound the body split open further, andsomethingburst forth from inside. Covered in blood, Grummshkarrn could only make out rough features of the creature, but what he could see terrified him. The creature was roughly humanoid in shape, but its proportions seemed off in a way he couldnt quite pin down. With quick feet the shape ran towards the exit of the tent. Grummshkarrnshuddered, as though he had been paralyzed by the horrific wrongness of the creature before him and just broken free from it. He picked up his axe and yelled for his guards to take care of the shell of a body in his tent. He needed to talk to one of his shamans and then he needed a drink to forget. Table of Contents
Where the Ksrizka are from - Some lore for you to appropriate, take inspiration from or ignore
Ksrizka biology and abilities - How the Ksrizka work and what they can do
Inclusion in a campaign - What the Ksrizka can do for your campaign
Statblocks and such - If you need any, including some artifacts for your party to use
TBC??? - outlook on stuff i am planning for the Ksrizka
1.Where the Ksrizka are from To give you some inspiration on how you might use the Ksrizka in your campaign, ill quicky write about their story in my world, Noria. Feel free to use it or not, you can even skip it if you are not interested in the fluff. 1.0 On the fabric of reality. No matter how your world may have been created, there likely was a time before it. In the time before Noria, there was only the Outside, the void between worlds. When Tai'San, the first god of the orcs, had gained enough power he tore the fabric of the Outside from the Mother, the entity that takes up the outside, and created the world. Ever since then, the Mother seeks to reclaim what she considers to be rightfully hers and the Ksrizka are just one of her many children. 1.1 The Ksrizka incursion The first Ksrizka incursion is what scholars of the old world of Noria classify as the first incident, where Ksrizka cultists emerged from hiding and asumed control of the Capital of Osylana. However, this was only the culmination of the actual first incursion. At the time they had already assumed control of the country from the shadows, were in control of the major cities. They had sabotaged the trade and the military of the country and started to incite riots. The only position they had not yet undermined was the King himself. With their final coup, they toppled the regime and started cleansing the land of all life in preparation for the doomsday. 1.2 Rombalions revenge After Osylana had been toppled, the surrounding nations realised the danger they were in. Fortunately, while the Mother had sent her children into the world to destroy it, Tai'San was hard at work preserving it. As the father of elves and orcs, he sent visions to the elf Rombalion about the impending doom of the world and showed him the enemy he would be fighting. Rombalion assembled a force of orcs under his command and took control of the capital. However, as he quickly learned, fighting an enemy who could be anywhere and anyone was a doomed endeavor. Rombalion persevered and eventually found ways of combating this invisible enemy. He and his orc crafted were given magic items to aid them and after much struggle, was able to uncover the majority of the cult/plot and stop the doomsday. After it was done though, he quickly realised that he had been changed by the ordeal. The years of constant danger had turned him paranoid and he no longer fit in with his followers, much less with the other elves at home. Rombalion became a hermit, and after years in exile would find his doom. Remnant forces of the cult of the Ksrizka found him, and alone with no one to watch his back, Rombalion fell in battle against his already vanquished enemy. 1.3 The aftermath Rombalions sacrifice was not in vain however. He crippled the conspiracy and the cult around it so severely, that Osylana was the only country that fell to their machinations. The cult disbanded and the doomsday was prevented. Now, Ksrizka are a rare breed. They hide in the populace, intent on just getting by. Some of the Ksrizka still seek to complete the mission they were born for, but most are disillusioned by their defeat. But who knows? Maybe some day, they could reunite and become a real threat to the world again. 2. Ksrizka biology and abilities 2.1 Appearance and Abilities The biggest strength the Ksrizka possess is their ability to blend in: They can appear like any bipedal humanoid race from the outside and sound and smell like them too. They are deceptively good liars and actors from birth. Imitation is like breathing to them. If you dig a little deeper though, literally that is, their true nature is revealed. Ksrizka are layered. They are, as one of my players once put it, like onions. Cut a layer away and another appears. These layers are 1-2 inches thick on average, but obviously vary between race and place on the body. The deeper you get, the thinner the layers get. An average sized Ksrizka has three or four of those layers before the "core", the true body of the Ksrizka, which is about the size of a newborn, appears. Ksrizka have some subconscious psychic abilities, which they dont actively control but make them appear more charismatic and persuasive to the commonfolk. Ksrizka can actively choose to abandon one or more of their layers if desired. During this, they emit a psychic scream which paralyses everyone in a radius around them. Apart from these abilities, Ksrizka are remarkably unspectacular in their abilities. Simply put, over time they can learn all things a normal person could, but nothing more. 2.2 Birth, growth and death Ksrizka are a strange breed in general. Their birth is the best example for this: To bring a new Ksrizka into the world, three of them need to meet and undergo a specific ritual: Together, they fill a cauldron with a third of their blood, which puts them in a severely weakened state. To this they add dust from apatite or whitlockite (any mineral containing both calcium and phosphate), essence of the void (a rare essence from their creator) and any ingredient from a innately magical creature (such as dragons or unicorns). If need be, the dust can also be from bone ash. The three Ksrizka then take turns stirring the cauldron for 3 days each, during which they infuse the mixture with some of their memories. After the ritual is complete, the new Ksrizka has formed in the brew and can be taken out of the mixture. The remaining mixture is rendered unusable and is discarded. A mature Ksrizka needs to wait at least two months before it can undergo another ritual to recuperate from the loss of blood. The new Ksrizka is in a helpless state for a fortnight after the ritual, during which it learns to use its abilities. Its original form, which Ksrizka can not change, is based on the memories it received from their "parents" and resembles the most common humanoid race in their infant form. After the fortnight has passed, the newborn Ksrizka is "grown up" in the sense that it has full control over its abilities and can partake in the birth ritual. They also can now start growing new layers. These layers can look exactly as the Ksrizka intends them to. Once grown, they can look exactly as any person they saw or can imagine. Once grown, their appearance stays the same until they grow a new one above it or discard it. For the actual growing the Ksrizka needs several other things: Primarily food and shelter. A Ksrizka can start growing a new shell around the existant ones at will, but needs to be well fed and protected. Once the process is started, the Ksrizka seeks a quiet space and pupates in a way. They grow a cocoon of skin first, and then sleep for a week, while the rest of the new layer grows beneath it. During this time a Ksrizka can not eat or defend itself and if it was not well nourished before it will starve to death due to the immense need for calories during growth. Outside of growth phases, a Ksrizka needs roughly the same food as any other race would. This rule is broken however for larger Ksrizka. While nothing prevents a Ksrizka to keep adding layers upon layers, their caloric needs rise exponentially the larger they get. Myths tell stories of Ksrizka as large as giants, but generally they dont exceed the size of your common trolls et cetera without a very good reason to do so. Theoretically, Ksrizka are immortal. They dont age, so as long as they are not killed, die to disease or starvation, they can and will stick around. 2.3 Limits and weaknesses The need for food is also the first weakness of Ksrizka. If they do go for a larger form, it becomes increasingly difficult to sustain themselves. And the more food you need, the harder it gets to avoid detection. The biggest strength of the Ksrizka is flying under the radar, so most stick to medium size. Another limit of the Ksrizka is information. They need to spend time in a community to learn all the unwritten and written rules. If they are new in town and their "parents" did not impart them with a memory of common etiquette to the region they are in, they will draw suspicion to themselves. Similarily to this, infiltrating a tight-knit group is difficult without explicit knowledge of their inner workings. A Ksrizka working undercover plays a dangerous game of cat and mouse with those around them. Finally, their biggest weakness is in the shells themselves. While they heal like normal flesh would, if they take too much damage at once, a Ksrizka can be forced to discard their top layer. And the moulting process leaves them weak and defenseless. If something can withstand their psychic scream and act during this time, they can be killed with a swift and precise strike. 3. Inclusion in a campaign Now that you have a rough idea on how Ksrizka work, lets talk about why you are here. Why and How (to include Ksrizka in your game): Why Given the secretive nature of Ksrizka, i've found that they add a nice element of suspense and intrigue to your games. Depending on how much you go into moulting and growing, they can also add some fun horror as well. The Ksrizka, while unintentionally yet strangely fitting, can be molded to fit your campaign and what you need for it. They can be purely evil cultist/monsters, the perfect infiltrating saboteurs to challenge your political campaign, a group or race of shadowy neutral beings, fighting for survival, striking ends with who they can for your stealth/crime game, or even just a nice twist in an otherwise normal fight in your meatgrinder. I hope i have sold you a bit on adding Ksrizka to your roster of monsters and you will enjoy them as i did in the past. How Because of their hidden nature, Ksrizka are easily implemented into any campaign, but there are several questions you should answer when doing so. Since i want to keep this post applicable to all your campaigns, i will leave answering them to you and simply pose the most common and important questions. You know your campaign best, so working through them should hopefully enable you to include these "onion-bastards" (as my brother once called them) into it. Where did they come from? How long have they been in the world? If for long, how much is known about them? Does the general populace know about their existence? If they are known, how do communities protect themselves from infiltration? Are there groups that hunt them? Do they plan to end the world? If yes, how far along are they? How can they be found and stopped? If no, what is their goal? Are they evil by nature or by their culture? Are they evil at all? How do they clash with the party? Are they potential allies even? How common are they? Do they have their own settlements? How homogeneously are they spread over the world? How many are there in general? 4. Statblocks and such I've included two statblocks for inspiration how Ksrizka may be statted. One important thing to keep in mind: I dont run my games using 5E, so please take this with a grain of salt and be prepared to change it on the fly. To get specific statblocks, feel free to just take one from a humanoid in the MM and slap the Ksrizka specific abilities on it. Keep in mind, that the Moult ability may become exponentially more dangerous if the party faces multiple Ksrizka, so use with care. These stat blocks were modified after the Bandit captain (Basic Rules, pg. 397) and the Frost Giant (Basic Rules, pg. 128) as a standard and one extreme example. Finally, i would recommend to prepare at least one layer below the top one as well. I have deliberately chosen to keep most of the stats the same, so that until revealed, the stats wont give the Ksrizka away either. 4.1 Monster and... Medium sized Ksrizka Medium abberation, any alignment Armor Class 15 (scale mail) Hit Points 65 (10d8+20) Speed 30 ft. STRDEXCONINTWISCHA16 (+3)12 (+1)14 (+2)14 (+2)11 (+0)16 (+3) Saving Throws Str +5, Con +4, Wis +2 Skills Deception +5, Perception +2, Persusasion +5 Senses passive Perception 12 Languages Any two Challenge 4 (1100 XP) Ability: Moult. As an action, or as a reaction after dropping to less or equal than 10 hit points, the Ksrizka may decide to moult and discard one or more layers of itself. All non-Ksrizka creatures within a radius of 50 feet must succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom Saving throw or become incapacitated for 3 turns. While incapacitated in this way the creatures speed is reduced to zero. The creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the condition on a success. The Ksrizka becomes incapacitated and its speed is reduced to zero until the end of the next two turns, while it claws itself out of its shell. During this time, it gains the benefits of 3/4 cover against ranged attacks but can still be hit normally by melee attacks. Ability: Grow (once every 2 weeks). The Ksrizka grows a larger shell around itself. Once started this process takes one week to complete. During the transformation it is unconscious. It may choose any larger humanoid creature than its previous form that it has seen before (same or larger size) and choose any form that creature may have. The Ksrizka now looks identical to the chosen creature on surface but retains its previous abilities. Due to the new body it has disadvantage on Strength, Dexterity and Constitution Ability Checks and Saving Throws for one week after the growth is complete. Actions Multiattack. The Ksrizka makes three melee attacks: two with its scimitar and one with its dagger. Or the Ksrizka makes two ranged attacks with its daggers. Scimitar.Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 6 (1d6 + 3) slashing damage. Dagger.Melee or Ranged Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5 ft. or range 20/60 ft., one target. Hit: 5 (1d4 + 3) piercing damage. Reactions Parry. The Ksrizka adds 2 to its AC against one melee attack that would hit it. To do so, the Ksrizka must see the attacker and be wielding a melee weapon. ---------------------- Huge sized Ksrizka Huge abberation, any alignment Armor Class 15 (natural armor) Hit Points 138 (12d12 + 60) Speed 40 ft. STRDEXCONINTWISCHA23 (+6)9 (-1)21 (+5)14 (+2)11 (+0)16 (+3) Saving Throws Con +8, Wis +3, Cha +6 Skills Athletics +9, Perception +3, Persuasion +6 Senses passive Perception 13 Languages Any two Challenge 9 (5000 XP) Ability: Moult. As an action, or as a reaction after dropping to less or equal than 10 hit points, the Ksrizka may decide to moult and discard one or more layers of itself. All non-Ksrizka creatures within a radius of 50 feet must succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom Saving throw or become incapacitated for 3 turns. While incapacitated in this way the creatures speed is reduced to zero. The creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the condition on a success. The Ksrizka becomes incapacitated and its speed is reduced to zero until the end of the next two turns, while it claws itself out of its shell. During this time, it gains the benefits of 3/4 cover against ranged attacks but can still be hit normally by melee attacks. Ability: Grow (once every 2 weeks). The Ksrizka grows a larger shell around itself. Once started this process takes one week to complete. During the transformation it is unconscious. It may choose any larger humanoid creature than its previous form that it has seen before (same or larger size) and choose any form that creature may have. The Ksrizka now looks identical to the chosen creature on surface but retains its previous abilities. Due to the new body it has disadvantage on Strength, Dexterity and Constitution Ability Checks and Saving Throws for one week after the growth is complete. Actions Multiattack. The Ksrizka makes two greataxe attacks. Greataxe.Melee Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, reach 10 ft., one target. Hit: 25 (3d12 + 6) slashing damage. Rock.Ranged Weapon Attack: +9 to hit, range 60/240 ft., one target. Hit: 28 (4d10 + 6) bludgeoning damage. 4.2 Artifacts to fight them with As you can see, Ksrizka are not intended to be cannonfodder. The larger ones are especially dangerous and considering the layers waiting below, they are definitely a threat. So what do people do about threats in a fantasy world? Make some artifacts. These are mine, feel free to use or replace as you see fit.
Rombalions Eyepatch is made from steel, the outside is decorated with a gold leaf ornament of a butterfly and the inside is covered with overlapping fine runes. When worn those runes shine in a dim white. Whenever the wearer looks at a Ksrizka, the runes on the inside where their body would appear in the wearers vision without the Eyepatch turn red, no matter the form the monster takes or how they disguise themselves. The Eyepatch only works on living Ksrizka or the remains of a shell immediately after moulting. It does not show Ksrizka who are hidden by magic nor anything worn by them. Note: This artifact is obviously quite strong as it bypasses the entire intrigue. I highly recommend not giving it out right away. Only use it if you want your players to have an effective means of revealing the Ksrizka. One way i used it was giving it to the players when they were about to enter and stay in a city in which the Ksrizka have already nested themselves deeply into the power structures. That way, even though the party had means of finding the Ksrizka, they needed to find solid proof, before they could act on their knowledge.
The shelldagges were worn by the fighters of Rombalions group. They appear to be finely crafted and ornamental daggers of ancient age, but are still quite sharp. When examined by appropriate means, it is revealed, that the daggers are not magical, but their hilts are. When wielded against a Ksrizka, the damage of the daggers becomes magical, their critical range increases to 19 and 20 and critical hits deal thrice the normal damage instead of twice. The daggers otherwise have the stats of normal daggers. Ksrizka have an instinctive fear of the daggers. They feel the threat. Outside of combat, any Ksrizka who sees the daggers immediately assumes the wielder to be hostile and must then succeed on a Wis save against the wielders passive insight. On a failure, the wielder notices a fearful or hateful expression of the Ksrizka. On a success, the Ksrizka becomes immune to the fear inducing aura of the daggers for 24h.
Bonejaw was an amulet, which Rombalions orc priest fashioned out of the bones of defeated Ksrizka. It is a simple array of jaw bones of varying sizes, tied together with leather string to create a spiral of roughly 4 inches diameter. The wearer of the amulet may expend one of its 7 charges to automatically succeed a save against the psychic scream during moulting. The amulet regains 1d4 charges at dawn.
Shards of Grivins doom
These 12 shards of green gemstone are collectively known as Grivins doom. They are of various shape and sizes but none are smaller than a finger and none are bigger than a fist. Some parts of the gemstones are covered with ornaments, while other sides are smooth to the touch. If a Ksrizka is nearby, the gemstones heat up to a degree that is painful to touch with bare skin but not hot enough to cause damage. The stones are the shattered remains of the centerpiece of the crown of Osylana. After the coup of the Ksrizka, the last King, young Grivin was slain and his crown was shattered. In his dying moments, Grivins hatred of the conspirators latched onto the centerpiece of his crown and still remains, milennia later. If someone found all 12 pieces, they could remake the crown of Osylana. Whoever wears the crown may use a bonus action to gain advantage against weapon or spell attacks against Ksrizka for one minute. The crown recovers this power after a 3 long rests.
Even though the Tongue of a Ksrizka is not the source of its psychic ability, it can still be used to mimic it. If you can procure the tongue of a freshly deceased Ksrizka (the real body), and know the right preparative measures, you can turn it into a one use item. Any willing creature of at least INT 4 may put the tongue in their mouth as an action and let out the famous Ksrizka scream. Doing so destroys the tongue, which dissolves into an ethereal nothingness (which tastes like a cool chill grazing the tongue of the PC). Any creature within a 50 ft. radius, excluding Ksrizka, must succeed on a DC 13 Wisdom Saving throw or become incapacitated for two turns. The user of the item is excluded from this save. 5. TBC??? I was originally intending to also make an encounter to introduce both the Ksrizka and the artifacts to fight them, but as this post has grown in size beyond my expectations, i feel its best to postpone that and do it in a seperate post. Don't quote me on a "release date" though ;) 6. Thanks to @ canuckerrant, who "doesnt really do the reddit thing" and wants me to link his twitter. They helped me out quite a bit with the flavour text above. Also thanks to DraggonFlyer, RockBobster and Mister_F1zz3r for their help with the stats and the post in general. Without them this would be way less worthy of anyones time. Finally, thanks to you for reading this and making it all the way here. 7. Post Scriptum You are free to use this post for your campaign. Should you want to include it elsewhere on the internet, offline, in a book, or share it in anyway outside of linking to this, please contact me via reddit or discord Ninodonlord/#8372 beforehand to get my ok. Also sorry for any typos you come across. This was not tested for balance in 5E since i play a different system and you can and should adapt it to better fit your players and campaign. You can also check out my other stuff at [The complete Nino], if you'd like to do so :)
2020.09.16 16:38 ToughObjective1061Should I take AP exams as well?
I am a student in India and didn't know much about AP programme till a month ago. This was because I had basically done zero research on universities or admissions. So now I am in my year 1 of the IBDP and I have taken HL- Math AA, Physics, Computer Science and my SLs are Eng Lang & Lit, Economics and Spanish ab initio. I'm planning to major in Computer Science. So the main doubt in my mind is whether I should or should not give an ap exam. I was thinking of giving Calculus BC, physics c and statistics and either English or one of the economics. But these exam dates are very close to my year 1 IB exams. Also, I am giving the SAT in December and subject SATs next year. So my main doubts are, should I give the ap exams? if so, which? are they helpful for my college application? As I will have to self-study for the ap exams how much of the Ib syllabi corresponds with their respective AP subjects? Also is it possible for me to give my year 1 exams and the aps without my lowering my scores or am I just being too ambitious for taking 3 or 4 aps together with my year 1? Also do the aps help me with admission outside the US? Sorry if my questions seem like something I could have just googled. I really wanted advice from people who have gone through and experienced the whole process.
2020.09.16 15:55 poiseandnerveDistancing with love
I’ve had a roommate since December 2019 and we’ve had a rocky relationship to say in the least. We started off as casual friends, a little forced intimacy from him and then we were best friends pretty soon. I was dating someone else from January to March and COVID hit. I broke up with my then bf because I started having feelings - more friendly and sexual than romantic- for my roommate. We created guidelines around our sex foray and decided if someone got feelings we would pause (many other guidelines were included but that isn’t the story here). We both got feelings and stopped and started and got feelings again- you know. But amidst all this was a darker demon. In the beginning of us living together he told me he had drinking problems and potential sex addiction. I took this seriously and told him to get professional help- including a therapist and I recommended AA. He had a couple of incidents of him drinking to the point of waking me up, but many more incidents of him drinking alone and not telling me until I came to the realization myself. Every time he drank excessively and or didn’t tell me he was drinking I would feel unsafe and panicked, and often had panic attacks- needing to hide myself in my room for a couple of days until I felt safe enough again. I laid down two boundaries- if you drink you should tell me. And if you drink I have the right to step away and not engage at any time. Sunday night he drank alone in his room and I didn’t know. We proceeded to have a conversation about how he had started to get feelings again and we should probably put sex on pause again. We also both expressed that we didn’t want to lose the other person. He then slurred his words, and I realized he had been drinking. I asked him and he sad he had, almost laughing sheepishly like it was a game. He said “your boundary of not wanting to hang out with me when I’m drinking makes me not want to tell you”. I stepped away because I was so angry and only came back later to clarify that no indeed his drinking is his decision and his decision to not tell me is also his decision and I am entitled to both boundaries. I haven’t talked to him since, only asking him to spend the night elsewhere- hoping for some space. He thought this was “audacious” as though he deserves respect when he doesn’t show me the same. He has texted me his classic apologies, which are always the same so I didn’t read them. Day three of not talking to him and not seeing him physically and I feel calm and sane and not bothered by his bullshit. He is waiting for someone else to fix his problems and I’ve decided to stop trying to convince him to save himself. I’ve decided to stop engaging with him at all because it is clear he doesn’t respect my boundaries.
2020.09.16 15:38 abstine_et_sustineThe importance of alcohol and dating
Hi everyone! I recently waded back into the OLD (online dating) scene. I don't know about you all - but the level of importance placed on alcohol in online profiles is so much more apparent to me now. Maybe it is the age range + the area I live in (boozy party town), but it seems 8/10 profiles mention something about alcohol. I am very secure in my sobriety and take it very seriously - however I'm starting to worry that I'm going to have to find someone to date in the sober community (AA, etc.). What about you all? Is alcohol a deal breaker for you?
2020.09.16 12:16 BlackBerryBrad31[M4F] US-CT/Anywhere A Hopeless Romantic looking for someone to Restore my Hope in Romance
Hey, how is it going? My name is Brad and I am a Hopeless Romantic. Wow I feel like I am at an AA meeting! Being a hopeless romantic is very challenging. The idea of falling in love with someone is such a beautiful thought, as is the idea of being in love with someone for an extended period of time. Love is such a powerful feeling and I want it oh so much. The problem, it seems, is that I keep meeting those who don't agree with my idea of love or want me to believe they do to just waste my time. To say I am tired with the failures in this fun dating world might be the understatement of the year. I am looking for someone to change my patterns if failures. A little bit about me. I am a 31 year old from the east coast here in the US. Ideally I would love to find someone nearby but I am not afraid of a long distance relationship as long as you are committed to it as well. I am 5'9, short black hair, with a beard and an average build. I do like being active. I work two jobs as I have financial goals that I would like to achieve in the next few years. When I am not working I love being outside in nature. Whether it is going for a hike, going fishing at one of my favorite spots or just going to the beach. If I am not outside I am most likely inside playing video games. I love getting lost in an open world adventure and letting the story overtake me. I also like playing guitar. I have been playing since I was 8 years old. Music is a big part of my life. I love all types of music from country to hip hop. History is another passion of mine and I love reading discovering new facts about our ancestors. As for what I am looking for with this post. I am looking for someone that I can work towards a long term relationship with. I am at a point in my life where I don't want to play games and I am not just looking for sex. Don't get me wrong, I love sex as much as anything but I want a connection with you first. I am not too picky when it comes to looks as I am more of a personality type of person. If you are at all interested in getting to know me more, please feel free to send me a message. I am usually up strange hours of the night so you can message me anytime. I hope to talk to you soon.
2020.09.16 04:04 curiosity_kyllsBree van de Camp could have carried 3 season on her storyline alone
I am a diehard Bree. fan and with that being said this poor woman underwent THE most shit on this show. First of all her children are psychotic. Then her husband is poisoned by her pharmacist who is in love with her. Then she starts dating the pharmacist only for him to commit suicide. Then she goes into an alcohol induced depression. Once she gets clean, she starts dating her AA advisor who then sleeps with her son who is trying to get back at her. Leading her to leave her son in the middle of nowhere. Then she meets Orson who is an accomplice to murder, who also attempts to murder her best friends husband. Then her 16 year old daughter gets pregnant, gives Bree the baby, only to come back and take her son away. Then Orson goes to prison for three years, comes back and habitually starts stealing. Bree then has. an affair with the same previous best friends ex-husband. When she finally gets the courage to leave Orson, the guy she has an affair with dies in a plane crash and Orson is paralyzed. After her and orson work it out, he leaves her for his physical therapist. Not to mention somewhere in there Rex's bastard son comes and blackmails her into giving away her company. Then she starts dating asshole Chuck, dumps him right as the Gabby's stepfather murder happens. He tries to pin the whole thing on her. Then her second husband comes back, kills Chuck, then black mails Bree some more, weasels his way back into her life, and then disappears again. Not to mention the entire last season, all the girls on the lane are beyond rude to her even though she's willing to take the fall for a murder she didn't commit, and not give up her friends for helping. I'm sorry, but this poor woman went THROUGH it
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